Dormant doesn't mean deceased (We all know this is your fault)

The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open
My dear, we can never hide!
The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open
My dear, we can never run!
 Dormant doesn’t mean deceased;
The lava still boils beneath my skin,
the faintest eruptions with each beat in my chest.
Dormant doesn’t mean deceased!
Be silent my dear, its only asleep…
If you make the most sudden of movements,
it’ll be the death of us.
Keep your voice to a whisper,
keep your voice to a whisper.
“Looks like a full moon tonight,”
pale, ghostly white; the skeleton in the sky’s closet.
“Looks like a full moon tonight”
…haunting enough to wake the dead.
The moon changes phases
just as you change faces:
Your moods, they sway
like the seismic waves,
and the panic of a volcanic sunrise
Oh, don’t our problems seem so small now?
The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open,

but ours are obliviously closed.

The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open:

only chaos and danger can see us for who we really are!
We were always the skeletons in the closet,
we were always the skeletons:
Nothing but bones,
watch them roast now.
Nothing but bones.
I told you we could never hide!
We burn,
with all of the words we never said.
We burn,
with the faintest eruptions in our broken hearts.
We burn,
when we realize
We were always the skeletons in the closet, (Our broken hearts are by our own hands)
We were always the skeletons in the closet, (Our broken hearts are by our own hands)
Lonely bones, empty hearts,
Empty bones, lonely hearts:
(We all know this is your fault)

Reviews

[The]

Before I begin the review, let me say I loved your bio.

The work itself was interesting. For awhile I assumed the reference to the volcano was the speaker itself, then got side-tracked in reading because of the repetition of the refrain. The content is good, but you have some unnecessary clauses that detract from the quality of the writing. "Haunting enough to wake the dead," "pale, ghostly white," and "it'll be the death of us," amongst others, detract from the decent craft behind this work--the first and third are abstractions, the second is a cliche.


Perhaps with some revision, and the division of a poem into a form with more strophes will your message be more digestible. I realize the turbulence of the volcano requires a quick read, but slowing down the tempo with strophe divisions would give the reader a greater feel for the subtle eruptions beneath the context.

Best of luck on your future writings.

--CB

[Tomás Ó C..]

Yes, Volcanoes... weve had our share of them in Europe with the Icelandic one...

[KatiePie]

I agree with coyote on this one, there is a slight darkness here, but none the less this is beautiful and a work of art :)
Keep writing! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I like your poetry a lot. Always a slight darkness to each poem. I like the feel of this poem. Like a battle lost before it was started. The poem is outstanding. I like poetry that must be read a few times. This poem has many hidden cornered and secrets.
Coyote

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

The ending of this poem made me *Sigh* and wipe the sweat from my brow.
The intense emotions built and built. Along with the darkness that loomed in
the air, I expected the worse. It was horrifying. I loved every minute of it.

[Pax Analog]

Starkly humorous reminder of Zen truth and recent Icelandic volcano news.

Reminds me of a koan collection, Zen Flesh, Zen Bones; reminds me of Shakespeare's "We are such stuff as dreams are made on/and our little lives are rounded with a sleep."

"Your moods, they sway/like the seismic waves,/and the panic of a volcanic sunrise" -- striking lines, a reminder of the unpredictability of relatedness, dormant yet not deceased, on the rocks, yet "threatening" to rock on.

And then our couple honeymooned in Iceland, ashes to ashes. . .;-)

Lotsa cool resonances here.

[RAWR!]

i got images in my head from that volcano on iceland. awesome stuff
thanks for sharing dude!

[Antonio Valentino]

You must be a musician Julianna, this sounds totally lyrical. Very awesome, we were always the skeletons in the closet, wow, great ending! I'd love to hear this in a song. Great job with this!

Antonio