Dormant doesn't mean deceased (We all know this is your fault)

The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open
My dear, we can never hide!
The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open
My dear, we can never run!
 Dormant doesn’t mean deceased;
The lava still boils beneath my skin,
the faintest eruptions with each beat in my chest.
Dormant doesn’t mean deceased!
Be silent my dear, its only asleep…
If you make the most sudden of movements,
it’ll be the death of us.
Keep your voice to a whisper,
keep your voice to a whisper.
“Looks like a full moon tonight,”
pale, ghostly white; the skeleton in the sky’s closet.
“Looks like a full moon tonight”
…haunting enough to wake the dead.
The moon changes phases
just as you change faces:
Your moods, they sway
like the seismic waves,
and the panic of a volcanic sunrise
Oh, don’t our problems seem so small now?
The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open,

but ours are obliviously closed.

The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open:

only chaos and danger can see us for who we really are!
We were always the skeletons in the closet,
we were always the skeletons:
Nothing but bones,
watch them roast now.
Nothing but bones.
I told you we could never hide!
We burn,
with all of the words we never said.
We burn,
with the faintest eruptions in our broken hearts.
We burn,
when we realize
We were always the skeletons in the closet, (Our broken hearts are by our own hands)
We were always the skeletons in the closet, (Our broken hearts are by our own hands)
Lonely bones, empty hearts,
Empty bones, lonely hearts:
(We all know this is your fault)

Reviews

[The]

Before I begin the review, let me say I loved your bio.

The work itself was interesting. For awhile I assumed the reference to the volcano was the speaker itself, then got side-tracked in reading because of the repetition of the refrain. The content is good, but you have some unnecessary clauses that detract from the quality of the writing. "Haunting enough to wake the dead," "pale, ghostly white," and "it'll be the death of us," amongst others, detract from the decent craft behind this work--the first and third are abstractions, the second is a cliche.


Perhaps with some revision, and the division of a poem into a form with more strophes will your message be more digestible. I realize the turbulence of the volcano requires a quick read, but slowing down the tempo with strophe divisions would give the reader a greater feel for the subtle eruptions beneath the context.

Best of luck on your future writings.

--CB

[Nate E. Flake (Cösmic ..]

I like the rythmatic scheme and I like how you compare yourself to a dormant volcano, "dormant, but not deceased". You wrote this one well!

[.]

Wow! You are an awesome Poet! This was really breathtaking and mentally fulfilling to read!

Ash

[Radad Ibn Nasir]

I love it, great psychology here!

[Anicca]

This was lovely, I especially loved 'the volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open' and the way that the same lines kept appearing throughout the poem. Nice write, thanks for sharing!

[John Stussy]

That has to be one of the most incredible poems I have ever read! Your metaphors were excellently done, and the volcano and moon's characters came to life in a very lively manner. But seriously, this was awesome. Gonna read it again for sure.

[Hello, Goodbye]

woooow.. i loved this.. there is so much goodness here.. hidden imagery, open meaning, resolute concept.. great stuff..

[Jim Lozkittle]

Never thought of writing a poem about this subject and I must say it is very good, dark and ominous like a volcanoe waiting to blow its top

[Michael X]

I have to agree with the reviewers below, this poem speaks for itself and is
passionately convincing, very well written and expressed in such a way
tha your words remind me of abstract art. brilliantly done.

[.]

"the moon changes phases
just as you change faces:
Your moods, they sway
like the seismic waves,
and the panic of a volcanic sunrise
Oh, don’t our problems seem so small now?"
(...God!--this is beautiful mood here:-)
"The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open
My dear, we can never hide!
The volcano sleeps with its eyes wide open
My dear, we can never run!"
(...Wow-I just love these lines:-)
excellent poetry!!!
I love it!!!:-)

james:-)

[Steve]

Whoa. This is powerfully written about a phenominon that most of us dont think about until its too late......