John the Revelator

How would the end of the world look like...

First, a wave of diseases struck.They were many in number and staggeringly violent in their manifestation. We stood no chance before them. By the time the cures came, humankind had already been decimated.

Still, resilient as we are, and have always been, we found a way to move on and survive.

But soon, hunger crept into our newly built lives like a thief in the night. Like The Snake in The Garden of Eden. And it was vicious and insatiable. And it hollowed us from inside out until we became mere shadows. Starving shadows.

With the hunger still clutching at our entrails, rage broke out. Rage and wars. Wars and bloodshed. A terrible, yet somehow inevitable, side effect of the prolonged suffering. We fought to live and we fought to kill. And we killed to eat and we killed for pleasure.The world turned into an ugly place.The kind of place depicted between the pages of Dante's Inferno.

Tears flowed like rivers. Screams pierced humanity and shredded it to pieces. Prayers were hurled at the skies. But no mercy was granted. The horror continued.

Then, one day, the ground quaked and split open. And a ghostly rider emerged from the mists, astride a pale horse. And we all fell onto our knees for we knew the end to our misery had finally come...

Reviews

[David Jae]

I like what you've done here. It's short and to the point with a grim feel to it.

If there is an improvement I could suggest, it is that it would be better told from a first person perspective. Your story is called John the Revelator, after all. This may have been your intention, but it does not quite come across.

Even so, I enjoyed reading it and believe that you haven't reached your full potential yet. Don't get disheartened.

[JulianaSun]

Yeah, I tried the first person perspective, but I didn´t like how the story came out. I wanted it sound like an introduction to one of those apocaliptic movies. That´s why I wrote it so.

You are write, I haven´t reached my full potential. Only by contemplating the long road streaching ahead I get tired :)
Thanks for reading :)

[David Jae]

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I see what you mean about using the first person and you're right, those things don't always work.

You'll get there.

[Saruwa]

Beautiful depiction of the Revelation account. Thank you for sharing

[JulianaSun]

And thank you for reading and reviewing :)

[Kaliope]

Oh, I like the tone of this one! Great atmosphere and actually I think the perspective works well in this text, it really does sound like a prologue - one that would have definitely made me turn the page to read on. Love it!

[JulianaSun]

Yeah, I am all for biblical gloom and doom ;) I don´t actually believe that the end of the world will be exactly like the Bible says, but, as a writer and a reader, I appreciate a well-told story :)
I´m glad you liked it. The idea came to me while I was in the car, listening to Johnny Cash " When the man comes around"

[Kelsey Schadt]

Excellent use of short sentences to create impact and tone. The song, John the Revelator, was stuck in my head for almost a month after hearing it on Sons of Anarchy. I'm willing to bet I'll catch myself singing it today after reading this piece. I do think periods would be more effective than semicolons in the second to last paragraph

[JulianaSun]

Thank you for the feedback :) And yes, the periods are much more effective then the semicolons in that particular paragraph

J