A Fantasyland

I wrote this on a whim. What do you think?

Welcome to a land where July never ends,

To a place when sunshine always shines bright,

This eternal summer starts each day.

 

 Welcome to the land where love is money,

When hurting and sadness cease to exist,

This eternal bliss is home to everyone.

 

Welcome to the land where time is cherished,

Each day brings forth a new celebration,

This is the timeless world to live within.

 

Welcome to the world of dreams and make-believe,

Where flora and fauna sing songs of joy,

This is the fantasyland to live in.

 

This is the fantasyland I live in.

Author's Note

What do you think? This is my second time writing poetry.
I have been into personality typing lately, thus making this poem. I'm an INFP: The Idealist. INFPs tend to live in their own reality rather than the reality of the world. I started to think about how I see the world, and this poem was the result. This poem is about how I see the world

Reviews

[Saki Mai]

Beautiful! I love it! I can really see through your eyes, and the poem is definitely you. It's a beautiful sight. My favorite part is the last stanza: "Welcome to the world of dreams and make-believe, Where flora and fauna sing songs of joy, This is the fantasyland to live in." The word choice here is exquisite! It's powerful yet delicate, and I love the feeling it carries. It's a powerful ending.

I love that you broke through the traditional barriers of poetry and didn't go with a set line length or rhyming pattern. In fact, you showed that poetry doesn't need rhyme at all! =D The fact that you kept a rhythm throughout the poem made it work fabulously! The poem flows perfectly from start to finish, and it's amazing how much emotion your poem carried in four short stanzas. I still can't believe this is only your second try at poetry. Your understanding of word choice, imagery, and rhythm is spectacular. In other words, you're a natural poet Julia! I hope to see more poetry from you =)

My only advice is this. Take out that last line, where it says, "This is the fantasyland I live in." I get what you were trying to say here, but it’s a little bit too repetitious. It detracts from the power of the ending. If you really like that ending, make it the end of the last line of the fourth stanza. I.e. "Where flora and fauna sing songs of joy, This is the fantasyland I live in." However, I really like the ending of the last stanza how it is. I.e. "Where flora and fauna sing songs of joy, This is the fantasyland to live in." That ending leaves me pondering and imagining. It lets me as the reader live through your writing rather just you, making me feel a part of the illusion. That's just a suggestion though. You, as the poet, get the final say of course. I hope I helped =) Keep up the fabulous work!