Colors of the Earth

I had to write a poem for school and I figured why not upload it online! There was a line limit to it, hence why it is short. What do you think?

 

Whipped cream rich clouds float through the air,

Upon a crashing and sparkling ocean of blues,

A golden ring of fire nestled in the sky adds flair,

To the deep canvas of countless hues,

 

Below, the chocolate powder remains unseen,

Underneath the rainbow that pains the flowers,

Each blade of grass a different green,

That the soul devours,

 

Dark blue ink fills the night,

Pure sparkles shine through the ink,

Each night carnation and ink reunite,

Where each star will wink

 

Amid the tribulations of the earth,

These colors shine,

And are hope and joy’s rebirth

This is what colors define

Author's Note

This is my first time actually writing poetry since I always write novels and longer short stories, so I'm just throwing some spaghetti on the wall to see if it sticks or not. Does the spaghetti stick?
I'm open to any and all opinions. :-)

Reviews

[Saki Mai]

This was your first time writing poetry? Wow, I'd never have guessed! I really like this poem! It's fun and descriptive and not at all the type of poem I'd expect from someone first giving poetry a try. You seem to have a nice grasp on rhythm since the poem flows very well, and your rhyming and word choice are fabulous. I really like the way the poem isn't completely uniform. Some lines are longer than others and each stanza seems to vary, yet at the same time every line ties into the next. I love how the lines gradually get shorter as you reach the end of the poem. It ties it off very nicely. This is a very excellent poem Julia! Great work!

I'm not really sure what to offer you in way of suggestions. The only thing I can think of is the last line in the last stanza. It seems to just slightly vary from the rhythm. Maybe try something along the lines of, "This the colors define," or something like that. You're the poet so you get to decide. If you want to leave it, you can leave it. It's really not that bad. I've written poetry since I was four years old so I catch little things like that, but most people wouldn't even notice. That's really all I can offer you in way of suggestions. Fabulous work!

[Harmonica winds]

This is really good, Love the rhyme scheme. Awesome write!

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Really lovely writing.. Keep it up! Do u read mine to Anguish...