Frustrated, Helpless and Depressed

                                   

 

 

Frustrated, Helpless and Depressed

 

I am in a no-escape situation

My knee function is disappearing

The cartilage is rapidly disintegrating

  And that has made my walking rather painful

My orthopedic doctor says I need a knee replacement

   And that is practically impossible

 

My other half has had Parkinson’s for 34 years

  And that has led not only to immobility

  It has also brought on severe dementia

Now she cannot do anything by herself

  And what makes everything worse

  Is her lack of cognitive skills and speech

 

I am her sole caregiver and

  Because of that my knee has gone to pot

I sold my house so that I could

  Hire someone to help me with her

Her baby sitter is with her from 10 AM to 5 PM

  But I take over from 5 PM to 10 AM

 

Living with my youngest daughter is fine

  But she cannot help me much

Oh, yeah, she, her husband and six-year old daughter

  Are there in case I collapse

Before we moved in with her, it was depressing

Thinking that I would collapse for some reason

  With no one to call for help

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Those thoughts have disappeared

  But my knee keeps on deteriorating

And it will completely collapse

  Unless I get a knee replacement

But now that procedure is impossible

Recuperation would take two to three months

  And I would not be able to take care of her

I’m also eighty-four years old and frankly,

  I’m afraid I won’t survive the procedure

 

If she were to die before I do

  I would agree to that procedure in an instant

If I were not to survive it, who cares

Then we would be together for eternity

But she looks healthier than I do

  Despite her Parkinson’s and her dementia

 

I have two other daughters

One lives close by but the other lives far away

The one close by cannot possibly help

  Because she has four children and she’s a teacher

The one far away could help take care of her mother

  But she’d have to leave her husband alone for two to three months

So what is there to do?

 

If my knee wasn’t as painful before

  And I would forget about replacing it

Wouldn’t you say I’m in a terrible predicament?

It definitely has me greatly depressed

  And extremely frustrated and fed up

I know there is a solution to my problem

  And I will keep it in mind each day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, I don’t think I will go that route

I don’t have a gun and I’m a coward

I have about 25 sleeping pills but there’s a problem

  Each one is only 5 milligrams in strength

That wouldn’t take care of a little mouse

We have lots of dull knives in the kitchen

But there has to be another way

 

I have had several bouts with lightheadedness and dizziness

  And I spent five days in the hospital with some kind of anemia

Losing hemoglobin gives you a fainting sensation

Fainting into eternal coma wouldn’t be

  A painful way to solve my problems

But, no, that is out of the question

 

I say that because that rope around my neck

   Is not too tight yet

Once it begins to really tighten up

  Who knows what my reaction will be

In the meantime, I will carry my cross

  As well and as bravely as I can

  And wait for God’s solution