Reflections on My Approaching Birthday

My birthday is coming but I’m not looking forward to it for various reasons. Eighty-three birthdays have gone by and that is simply too many. I’m grateful my Lord has granted me that many but, as things are now, I don’t feel very happy about my eighty-fourth one. A lot of the past ones have been great, with unforgettable memories, while a few have been forgetful. When we were in great health, we celebrated them to the fullest. We had great festivities, with all the family members and close friends present. Lately, though, mainly because our health is failing and our mobility reduced greatly, we’re away from our turf and we are becoming more of a burden to ourselves and to our dear ones. Neither we nor our family members feel up to celebrating old age. Simply being alive at this age is not conducive to great celebrations. There are way too many things that lower our desire for festive occasions. The expense is the least of them but not even the boredom I have been feeling lately gives me the desire to celebrate anything, and least of all my 84^th birthday. I feel dead inside. Just about the only thing that makes me want to wish for another birthday is my obligation toward my other half, my Parkinson-ravaged wife. Though the stress caused by my job of caregiving overwhelms me quite often, I feel I need to continue moving forward until that job expires. After I’m not needed, perhaps I will want my life to expire too or, feeling more free to do as I please, I may want to accumulate more and more birthdays, even with all my old-age maladies trying to impede my progress forward to a more enjoyable existence. We will see what my Lord has in store for me. Perhaps by the time my birthday arrives, my mood will change and I will feel like having a small celebration but for now, humbug!