Alice's Story

13 year old Dani tells the story of a twelve year old girl who drowned in the river. Her sister sees a ghost.

“Many, many years ago, in this very spot, a terrible tragedy took place. In fact, it was ninety years ago, to this very day, that twelve year old Alice Whittaker died.”

I paused for a moment to gather my thoughts. No one objected to my dramatic flair. The story called for it, and they were all hanging on my every word.

“It was a cool windy spring day. Alice took her nine year old twin sisters outside to gather some wood for the fire. The twins carried a burlap sack to fill with twigs. Alice went toward the forest, to see if she could find some larger branches.

'Don't get too close to the river,' Alice warned her sisters. 'The water is very deep. If you fall in, you'll sink like a stone, to the bottom.'

Alice wasn't very far into the forest when she found a nice large tree branch that had fallen to the ground. It was very heavy, but she dragged it little by little, back toward the trail where she'd left her sisters.

When she thought she was close enough for them to hear, she began to call their names. 'Mary … Carrie! Come and help me carry this wood!' She received no answer from the twins. She left the wood behind, and moved closer to the trail. This time she called much more loudly. 'Maary... Caaarrie!' Still, she heard no answer. Finally, she reached the trail. Maaary! Caaarriee!' She called louder and louder. Maaary ... Caaarriee!”

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I let my voice trail out long and loud, like a ghostly wail. The wind echoed me from the trees along the river. All four girls were leaning forward, their eyes wide with fear. I paused for an extra long minute, then continued the story.

“Alice reached the edge of the river. Still, she saw no sign of her sisters. 'Maary... Caarie!' Suddenly. She stopped calling. There was something floating in the river. Oh No! It was the burlap sack that the twins had carried between them! Alice could see neither of her sisters in the water. They must have already sank to the bottom!

Alice jumped into the river. The cold water took her breath away. She looked in all directions until she saw the burlap sack floating farther and farther away. She swam toward it, desperately calling her sisters names. 'Maary … Caaarie!'

No matter how fast she swam, Alice couldn't reach the burlap sack. Nowhere in the cold swirling water, could she find any sign of her sisters. Alice was horribly tired, and the current was very strong. She began to try to pull herself out of the water. The sack snagged on a branch, and Alice reached for it, but the water swept her on by. 'Maaary … Caaar--' The water choked her, and cut off her words.

But this time, the twins heard her. You see, they'd dropped the sack, and the wind had carried it into the river. Heeding their sister's warning, they'd stayed away from the river. They went back to the cabin, to find another sack to finish collecting the firewood.

Now, they could see Alice, floating in the river, her head bobbing up and down. They ran back to the cabin, calling for their father to help them. Alice's family ran back

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to the river to help her, but it was too late. The water had swept Alice away, and sunken her, like a stone, to the bottom.”

I paused now, and looked around the group. No one even twitched. I couldn't even tell if they were breathing. I finished the story very slowly, giving each one of my words time to sink in.

“No one ever saw Alice Whittaker again. At least, not the real Alice. But, years later there were stories, stories of a young girl walking near the river's edge. She wore a ghostly white dress, and when the wind blew, you could hear her calling 'Maary … Caarrie … Maaary … Caaarriee!'”

I let my voice trail off into the night, and fell silent. No one else spoke either. We were all still stuck inside the story. The haunting reality of the facts made it much more scary. The wind howled high in the trees. We shifted, glancing up at the dark swaying branches. Still, no one spoke.

Suddenly, a shrill ringing broke the silence. We all screamed at once. Giggling nervously, I answered the cell phone that was still in my pocket. After reassuring Mom that everyone was fine, and we still wanted to spend the night, I returned the phone to my pocket. With the spell of Alice's story broken, we returned to our usual chatter. Suzanne put some more wood on the fire. We wanted to stay up pretty late, and the wind was making the night much colder than we'd expected.

“Where did you put the snacks?” Maggie asked. “I'm hungry.”

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“You're always hungry,” I answered. “But I think you're right about the snacks. We're going to need a lot more sugar, if we're going to stay up till midnight.”

Tonya stood up. “C'mon Maggie, I'll go with you to get some more sodas.” She turned to Suzanne and I. “Ladies, I expect the marshmallows to be cooking by the time we get back.”

I rolled my eyes, and got up to get the marshmallows. Suzanne stayed next to Linda at the fire. She whispered something, and they both began to giggle.

I turned around. “What's the plan?” If I knew Suzanne at all, there had to be a plan.

She held up a finger, her eyes were on Tonya and Maggie, as they went into the tent. “Three, two, one,” she said. Then, she began to wail loudly. “Maary … Caarrie … Maaary … Caaarriee!”

Stop it Dani!” Maggie yelled from somewhere inside the tent. “We know it's you!”

I shook my head. “Seriously guys,” I called to them. “It's not me.”

“Maary,” Suzanne called again.

“Dani!” Maggie warned.

“Yeah Dani, cut it out!” Suzanne exclaimed. Then she dissolved into fits of laughter. I could hear Tonya's voice faintly from the tent, telling Maggie that Suzanne was the culprit.

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Maggie finally emerged from the tent, her arms loaded with bottles of soda. Tonya was right behind her.

“Very funny, guys,” Maggie called as she came toward us. “We're going to get you back, y'know.”

“Did you hear that?” Linda's voice was almost a whisper.

I turned around. “What?”

She put her finger to her lips, her eyes wide. She pointed to the bushes next to me. My eyes followed her finger. The bushes right next to me were beginning to shake. I looked around to see which one of our friends was missing. I wasn't going to make the same mistake as Maggie. I was going to know who to call out on this prank. Suzanne hadn't moved from her spot. How could Maggie have-? My eyes caught sight of Maggie before my mind could finish the thought. Maggie and Tonya had stopped midway back from the tent. They were staring at the shaking bush.

I slowly turned back toward it. My mouth suddenly felt very dry. The bush began shaking harder. I backed up a step, and felt Linda's toes under my shoe. I heard her wince, but she didn't say a word. I felt her hands on my shoulders, as she slowly began to guide me back, step by step, away from the shaking bush. I kept my eyes trained on the bush. Suddenly, it began to shake violently. A large animal shot out of the bushes! I shrieked as the raccoon passed by me so closely, that it's fur brushed my leg. Linda's hands left my shoulders, and she screamed loudly. I turned around to see Linda

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cowering behind Suzanne. Maggie, who still hadn't moved, was doubled over with laughter. The raccoon was nowhere in sight.

I waited for my drumming heartbeat to return to normal. Then I joined my friends at the fire. “That would have scared any one of you,” I declared.

Maggie started laughing again. “You should have seen the look on your face!”

We shared a few more ghost stories, but none of them had the power of Alice's. The wind howled, and the trees moaned above us. I shivered. It didn't feel warm enough to be summer vacation.

“I'm freezing,” Linda echoed my thoughts. “I'm going to get my sweatshirt out of the tent.” She stood up, and looked apprehensively at our tents.

I followed her gaze. The moon had risen high in the night sky. The trees cast eerie shadows over the tents. I blinked, and looked in disbelief. Our tents, now swathed in dark shadows, looked creepily similar to the cabin in the photo.

“Somebody has to go with me. I'm not going up there by myself,” Linda said, her eyes not moving from the tents.

“I'll go,” said Maggie, switching on her flashlight. “We'll get some blankets, too,”

As they made their way toward the tents, the wind began to whistle eerily. I glanced uneasily at Suzanne. The wind paused, then picked up the sound again. It sounded a little bit like- Maaary … Caaarrie … Suzanne's eyes grew wide.

“We know it's you, Suzanne,” Maggie called over her shoulder, without turning

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around.

Goosebumps covered my arms. It wasn't us, and it wasn't them. Suzanne and I stared at each other. Was that really the wind?

The wind picked up again. Maaary … Caaarriee!

“Give it a rest!” Maggie called to us. She was standing outside of one of the tents. Linda had went inside. We still didn't answer her. None of us knew what to say.

“W- What is that?” Tonya began in a wavering voice. “You don't really think-”

She stopped in mid-sentence, when Maggie started screaming. The wind whistled louder. Maary … Caaarrie! Maggie screamed again. We all jumped up, and ran toward the tents, toward the sound of Maggie's terrified screams.

Linda was standing outside next to Maggie. There were tears streaming down Maggie's face. She was trembling all over, and her eyes were wide with terror. “I saw her,” she whispered. “I saw Alice Whittaker.”

Author's Note

Please review it, even if you think it's bad!

Reviews

[stalique]

I enjoyed it! I do clearly see that is is for young/preteens.
Seems like something young ghost story fans would be into.

"I'm sure the publisher will find this quite good, as it's written in such a way that even someone with a short attention span will be able to read it after some time." - I Agree with Nathanial on this.

[Nathanial Tirado]

Alright, let's go through it shall we? First of all I enjoyed it, but it's less of a "children's book" as much as it was a preteen story. You tell a child that story and they'll never want to camp...ever. Next on the agenda, the story doesn't have an "ending", by that I mean it ends, but it doesn't really finish. They don't all have to die or anything but it kinda ends off like when someone picks off your plate in a restaurant (with 2 children, I assume you know this feeling very well) the meal ends with you not fully satisfied. In short, it's very good but needs an ending.

[Judy]

First of all, thank you for the note on chapter 2. I fixed it. This is for middle grade, technically 9-12. Do you think it's too scary for that? Or that it's more scary than say, Goosebumps? Besides that, this is not the end. It's the end of chapter 3 out of 9 chapters. This is only how much I got to send to a publisher. Is it catchy enough for them to want the rest? Oh, and nobody dies.

[Nathanial Tirado]

If it's for middle grade, then it's perfectly fine. I was thinking you meant younger than that. I'm glad that was just the end of a chapter, not the story, so I retract my prior complaints. I also didn't think anyone was going to die I figured I'd go to the extreme to make a point. I'm sure the publisher will find this quite good, as it's written in such a way that even someone with a short attention span will be able to read it after some time.

[Judy]

Thanks for your help!