Chapter 5: Do Not Just Delete

“Wow!” Frank Li said, “What was that?”

“Your writer needed some rest so he deleted some of his book which is where we live,” I said, “He was trying to commit suicide by taking on Allah again. He got too wrapped up in the third dimension again. He's right, but it doesn't make any difference. When delusions get physically deadly it's a sign psychopaths are loose in the merely third dimension.”

“Psychopaths?” Frank Li asked.

“You know evil people like Satan only just part of a three dimensional mind like the kids who invented Slenderman as a spinoff of the Boogieman. They think they are brilliant or just having fun, but it's always a bad joke like the devil's imagination can't seem to help but come up with. The King of all dimensions has him pretty well cornered here on earth, unfortunately for us, Frank Li,” I said, “Just forget it if you can, Frank.”

“I was afraid he was going to kill us all, you know?” Frank Li said.

“Yeah, I know, Frank,” I said, “But they are out there. Insanity is out there everywhere.”

“And you want me to go out there?” Frank Li said.

“Yes, Frank,” I said, “In a way we were born out there. But don't worry, Frank Li, we can't really even get to the third dimension let alone the fourth. We are safe just to be what we are, what our writer has made us and even now makes us.”

“I don't know if I want to go even that far even,” Frank Li said.

“It's either that or end and be deleted,” I said, “To be remembered no longer.”

“Why are they like that?” Frank asked after we had been quiet for a while.

“They are weak, Frank,” I said, “They are drawn into fear more easily. That is what our writer meant by them being cowards. The three dimensional world pushes them and they crack and give into fear and strike out at anyone they fear, especially those who might have helped them. But they can only hurt the physical body which is nothing They can't give those they kill in a moment. It's sad really. Who knows what they might have been, if only they were not so weak. Everyone that resorts to violence is that way, Frank.”

“Is that all that is out there?” Frank Li asked realizing we were both back in the first dimension of our minds.

“No, Frank Li,” I said, “There is so much out there!”

And in the hospital bed Anda Li was sitting there next to the bed and she happened to look at her son whom she was very worried about. And she thought she saw his eyes flutter. Then a tear ran down his face. She put her hands over her face and eyes where tears flowed like water between her fingers as she looked into his unmoving face and held her gaze as long as she could, turned to the machines and saw nothing but a flat line where she had hoped against hope for some movement, any damn movement at all. Then she sat back down, closed her eyes and convulsed with her pain.

Then Frank remembered the old place on Park Avenue and looked at the beautiful green grass, the small green leaves on the trees and spied some p***y willows. And for a moment I thought he remembered something so I started to inspire him to remember his name.

“My name is Frank,” he said, “Isn't it?”

“You remembered!” I said, amazed he had actually done it on his own. He had remembered something I hadn't shown him! At last. “Do you remember anything else, Frank?” I asked.

“P***y willows,” he said and I could see he was happy and his mom saw the beginnings of a smile reach his hospital bed. Then she dismissed it as only her imagination, looked at the clock on the wall and grabbed her purse, rose and left his bedside, trudging along as if she had the weight of the entire world on her shoulders she walked to the door, opened it and looked back at her son. She never needed him more. And she was so alone. Then she sighed and disappeared into the hallway.

“I exist,” he said, “And I am called Frank Li.”

But his reaction surprised me for he seemed disappointed.

“Why?” I said, “Why are you so down?”

“I don't want to be Frank Li,” he said. “Frank Li died,” he added, “He laid down on his bed and he died.”

I was speechless.

“I thought it would end it all, shut down my brain, and-?” he said, “What the hell happened?”

“You don't have to remember, Frank Li,” I said, “Just don't go there. Why punish yourself? That's the way you were, Frank Li. You don't have to be that way anymore. You never did, Frank. I can help you. When we get out there you will be sane, if we're successful. You will, Frank. You will, I promise.”

“Yeah, right!” he said.

“Don't go there either, Frank,” I said, “Don't give up. Why do that to yourself again, Frank?”

He was silent. I didn't sense anything from him at all. And I thought he had given up and died again so I stimulated his brain to get him to realized he existed.

“Don't do that!” he said. “I want to die!”

“No you don't, Frank,” I said, “You have so much to live for.”

“No!” he screamed, “I do not!”

“Yes you do, Frank!” I screamed back with all there was in me.

“You?” he said, “You don't know what it's like to be me. Nobody does!”

“That's why I chose you, Frank,” I said.

“You,” he said with his voice thick with sadness, “You don't know what it's like to be me!”

“No, Frank,” I said, “I don't.”

“You chose me!” he screamed like before, “Well I choose to die!”

“Frank!” I yelled, “You are not insane now. Your brain, Frank, is not you.”

He was silent, but I could feel he was still with me this time.

“Reach past it, Frank,” I said, “Reach past it like your writer does. It's not that much different than anyone else' brain. They can help it not bother you so much, Frank.”

“That's what they said before!” Frank Li said, “And I'm not going back to that! Ever! It doesn't work for me.”

“It doesn't matter, Frank,” I said, “Believe Them not me. If you really believe Them you could get by on a placebo, Frank. Let Them help you. Learn to use your brain. Learn how to use your medication to function in their insanity, Frank. You are not retarded, Frank. You can learn. Frank Li it doesn't take much intelligence. All you have to do is trust Them and those they send to you. They all want to help you, Frank Li. You can't do it alone, and we can't do it without you. We can try, but if you don't stay with us the most we can do is just medicate you and make you as comfortable as possible.”

“No,”he said.

“If you won't, Frank,” I said, “When you die that's it, you will never have really been, never to be anything either.”

“Why me?” he yelled, but he was not screaming anymore.

“They know that people like you have problems with the chemical balance in their brains,” I said and when I saw he was unimpressed I continued, “The Nemesis is a weakling, Frank. He's always looking for someone, anyone among everybody that has something wrong with them, a gimp leg, a bad arm, a weak knee, and in your case, Frank a chemical imbalance in your brain. And you can learn to counteract that, Frank. So what! So you're not Stephen Hawking. He is insane too, Frank. Just like you. He's stuck with a three dimensional mind. Physically he's nearly a one dimensional thing. He can't even move. But there is nothing wrong in his brain, Frank. It's his mind where he's trapped himself with three dimensional thoughts. What a waste of gray matter, Frank! You can do something none of them can do. You can learn beyond just how to cope, how to function, and how to understand things they won't even try to understand in their pride and ignorance. In their weakness, Frank!

But you don't have to be weak, Frank. You can be stronger, strong willed, determined, creative, a strong viable person like any one of Them. You have a place above their insanity. You know a lot about insanity and they are beginning to realize they are insane. You know the turf. We have to help them understand. I was where you were once, Frank Li. I know it works. Are you with us?”