Chapter 28: Spiritual Past

The very next day my social worker, Marilyn called to say she had an opening for me in a group home out in the country close to my mom's home and we made an appointment to go look at it. I had no idea I would move in that very day if I wanted it. And I did want it. It was exactly what I was looking for, so I moved out and left my mom at home full of joy and excited for me to have some independence from her, at least a little. Then for months I adjusted while my mom developed Alzheimer disease and went into a nursing home further making it difficult to believe she was going to live forever with Them as I had planned to do if only to be a fictional character in a book written by my writer, something I hoped for her because she was no more and no less real than I was, being a fictional character also.

The group home had other fictional characters there too. But we all had our own room with a TV in it. However as time went on I spent much of my day like the others in my room. But I had my hobbies to satisfy me so I didn't have to watch TV. However, I spent my most meaningful moments interacting with the Inspiring One in my room or out in the park-like property. I loved it there. To me it was like Paradise.

Once I was sitting out by the pond listening to the fountain when the Inspiring One spoke to me.

“You are not descended from Abraham. You are not even descended from Noah. But if you could which of course you can if you can convince your writer to make you of any line even Man's, would you be of an obscure line or the line of Yeshua of Nazareth? A relative even perhaps even.”

“In the line of Japeth for my line was not religious and I am surely no more than a Gentile though for most of my life I lived as a Jew having rejected Jesus and embracing God, the difference maybe was that I was jealous of Yeshua thinking he had died and comeback to life after I was misdirected by the little apostate just after I saw the light and understood that God was spirit and everything else, this world and what I imagined in my mind were not reality, but hungered to know all about the place the Light was real and to be a spiritual being freed from having a choice as to most of the rules of modern Jews because I was just a child, the seventh son of my mother and the eleventh son of my father, which to my child mind was somehow significant and made me special even in my own family. I even thought YHWH was God's real name. Besides Yeshua of Nazareth called them children of their father, Satan and that worried me for I feared Satan's power over my body and granted him place in the physical world thinking I was not going to be saved and was a heathen like the little apostate later called me. But even then I ignored Jesus Christ and kept praying to God whom I thought was the Jewish YHWH though something in me knew I didn't have the name right.

Once I started out to read the Bible and reading the mysterious part in the New Testament that called God the Word. I didn't understand it, but asked Them to help me understand it one day. And I do now of course after my Christian background I still accept parts of like the part about being Saved.

Then one time in the throes of my insanity I understood that Satan doesn't like to show himself because he is proof God exists and God is invisible and his Angels are not whether fallen or otherwise. Satan didn't even show me apparitions of satanic likenesses anymore after that. And after an episode wherein I displayed both symptoms of both schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder causing at least one psychiatrist to diagnose me as schizo-affective disorder I became sane though I have to take medications, have a therapist whose ideas about God are far too general, a Peer Counseling Specialist, an AHRMS worker, and group therapy in order to keep myself stable and therefore sane much of the time if not always; but after all that I learned like my writer did the truth about the universe and everything in it and returned to the God of my childhood in good standing calling the Trinity, They.

And that is the only genealogy I and my writer who are the same on this, care anything about.

I never knew a hateful Jew and feel a kinship with them even now I consider myself Saved, but I have given up on knowing a Christian that really loved me though I love them despite the way they treat others, their inherent hypocrisy and the way they have all disappointed me in their ignorance of who the Light is.

I tried to understand the cult fiction of the Johova's Witnesses, the Mormon's silly ideas and the Bahai Faith. They are not weird and way off the normal like that, but the entire problem with the religiously insane is that They do not found religions, people do and seek Their blessing but rarely Them. Surely there are others out there who like me know what I am talking about by now, insane even by human standards or sane by human standards but not by Their standards. They are always with me even when no one there is all there is around me, physically, in my relationships and even spiritually. They have never left me. And I believe I am sane because of Them.

Who can argue They have not taught me things that rival some of the brightest minds on the planet. They are a God I can sink my teeth into and hold on for dear life. Without Them I never would have survived what I have been through. If you don't believe me and my writer who are the same in all of this, believe this, the miracles my writer has experienced along his spiritual sojourn among you which is nearing its end.

But why do you ask?”

“It is important to me to know,” the Inspiring One said, “Why is merely a personal concern of my own and does not concern you. Is that okay?”

I didn't answer since I didn't want to know why after his putting me off like that.

“Am I to assume your favorite of the deluded peoples on this planet is the Jews?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said, “And though I find them a stiff necked people like their God said they were. Therefore until they see the Light, their Messiah I don't think much I could say would change their opinions much.

But I hear many nowadays are Jews because of their lineage only. Even when they reject their religion it appears they are very much into their ancestors, a common insanity even among non-Christians.

I don't even have much respect for my siblings, and my parents and grandparents are dead, perhaps really nothing to Them now at all even. The insane were a very real trouble spot for me once and their claims to me and relationship to me even was even worse than the Christians I met. What is the difference as far as your lineage is concerned if they were all actually nothing to begin with and still are and probably will never be anything? Does that adequately answer your question?”

“Yes,” he said, “You really are quite a character, aren't you, Frank Li?'

“So is my writer,” I said.

Author's Note

I am fatigued and know this needs at least one rewrite because. You can read it if you want though. I might even cut it out in the morning. Who knows?