Treasure Chest

On a ship with no name

we have sailed for so long

with no map, just the sun

as our guide.

In my courters - a chest

a big box made of wood

which contains my achievements,

my pride.

 

No one dares enter

not one dares to touch

though I've seen my fair share

of their greed.

Yet this chest is my own

no one else gets a share

he who'll touch it to live

won't proceed.

 

As we reach to the shore

the loyal men start to dig

while the lesser one goes

for his gun

I get down on my knees

as I beg "Won't you please

let me live on to bury

my son".

Reviews

[Nicholas Hallows]

This is very original and an interesting take on life and death.
I like the ship sailing without a map as a metaphor for life. I suppose the son could literally be our offspring or also anything we feel we have achieved in our time.
Visually it's great too. I have a strong image in my mind of the father on his knees at the end next to his son's coffin.
Again you create a back story and a sequel in the readers head... I am keen to learn of the adventures of this ship, how they ended up here and how it will end. (Isn't that the question we all ask of life at some point?)
I struggled with the rhythm of the last line of each stanza for a bit but I just read it aloud and it worked brilliantly.
Another very impressive piece!

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Wow, such a surprise ending...very well done. Great rhythm and I was compelled to read it from beginning to end and back again. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Midnight Rose ~*Anna Ro..]

Interesting piece indeed. Very clever and thought provoking, it had a great twist in the end. something i would have never expected. Marvelous write.

~*Anna Rose*~

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Interesting pirate piece. Nicely done. I enjoyed it.

Argh :)