Father and Son

To the father I never had.

What do you think

of that boy on the hill,

playing with his invisible friends?

You've stood there and judged,

maybe feeling a grudge

for the time he so carelessly spends.

 

Is there a notion

of blinded devotion

for something so close to your heart.

Do you see the line

that has left you entwine?

perhaps a self weakness in part.

 

 

Judgment,

is such a lonely word.

 

One day,

dear father,

together we might change the world.

 

 

What would you say

to that boy on the hill

who you fear oh so awfully about?

Would you act as mad

and put sense in his head?

Would you teach him suspicion and doubt?

 

A cold silhouette

of a terrible threat

would accompany him to his grave.

A scream every night,

baring terrible fright.

his innocence would you deprave?

 

 

Innocence,

is such a joyful word.

 

One day,

dear father,

together we might change the world.

 

 

How did you feel

when they took him away?

Did you cry? Did you shed a small tear?

You surely did so,

yet you've let no one know.

Until now you're not sure of your fear.

 

It's time to come clean

of your terrible sin,

time to face you were happy until

they took you away

from where you used to play -

it was you, the small boy on the hill.

 

 

Redemption,

has such a big reward.

 

One day,

dear father,

together we might change the world.

 

 

Now there's another

small boy on the hill.

Would you let him bear the same fate?

Author's Note

I should clarify this piece is NOT about my father, it's just dedicated to him.
My father died when I was six, so I never knew him.
Sometimes I think he was the only person who might have understood who I am.
His suffering face dying would accompany me wherever I may go.
May he rest in peace.

Reviews

[Nicholas Hallows]

This poem asks a lot of questions. I have been reading it and re-reading it trying to get a picture of your father and that's been hard - but I think that is because that is probably how you feel after losing him at such a young age. You are wanting him to understand who you are and at the same time trying to understand who he was. For me this ambiguity is definitely not a bad thing - I really like that it doesn't give any definitive answers as in a way that is how your relationship is with him now. I'm sure I will have questions to ask you about this experience in more detail but will leave that to messages. Structurally I really liked this too. The repetition gives it a lyrical quality often apparent in your poetry. And the shorter stanzas add good emphasis to weighty words.

This stanza was particularly vivid in my head:

A cold silhouette
of a terrible threat
would accompany him to his grave.
A scream every night,
baring terrible fright.
his innocence would you deprave?

Not only because you would have won my 'Use of the word silhouette' contest but it evoked strong images of a child at night re-living the memory of his father's dying face and possibly his first real encounter with death and loss of innocence. I know there is more I like about the poem and could say so I will probably come back to this review later.

Very well done!

Nick

Part II

Mistakenly I took this poem too literally the first time round. Knowing it is not about your father makes it a lot easier to understand. Thanks for clarifying!

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the feel and movement of this poem. The boy on the hill was waiting for reason and purpose. The story wasn't sad. More of a wishful nature. A excellent poem. Made me think.
Coyote

[Poeticpiers]

I enjoyed reading this imaginative piece of writing presented in poetic prose I am not a fan of free form but now and again I find something worth reading

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Heartfelt touching piece for your father. Wonderfully written.


Great Write.

[Treasaigh (The Solitar..]

This piece is so powerful and emotional. Makes one ponder deep thoughts between the relationship of a father and son. Great concept. Wonderful write=)

[Brenda Sue]

I lost my husband about 3 years ago, now I am raising our son, who was only 13 at the time. This piece touched my heart, made my remember my grief, not only for myself but for my son as well. Wonderfully penned. Great job.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Blessings to you in your loss. The words of this work cry out to my very soul - they are so profound and true as a small boy might see the world with the loss of one carried away to an unknown destination. Yes, it is true you ask many questions but you also answer many of them with hope and longing at the same time. This is simply marvelous. I am reminded of the book by Larry Brown, called 'Father and Son' - I hope you have read it as it is truly a miracle as well. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[Nassira]

Very intense! The emotion is deep and runs from the beginning until the end. It is a beautiful and touching poem ... You did a great job letting off your feelings and emotions ... I love the poem :)))

[Legion]

I'm a little confused about this. I am having trouble understanding if your father did something wrong or something wrong was done to him or both. Also, who exactly is the poem speaking to? Your father? Someone else (perhaps dealing with your father)? Etc. Seems to bounce around a bit in that department.. The phrasing was good and I liked the repetition of the changing the world part though. The end as well. Leaves you wondering if the cycle will repeat.

[Midnight Rose ~*Anna Ro..]

Marvelous, heartbreaking piece. Believe me, I know the pain of not growing up with either one of your parents. You just feel very empty inside when there is no one around you. Great emotion, wonderfully written.

~*Anna Rose*~