Joyful Times

A Villanelle (I think..)

All the joyful times,

we have spent beneath the sheets

forever in my rhymes.

 

My most heinous of all crimes,

enjoying nature's sweets.

All the joyful times,

 

spending all my useless dimes

from my endless defeats,

forever in my rhymes.

 

You have sang them to the chimes

of bells and friendly greets.

All the joyful times.

 

As my bloody heart sublimes

from the sidewalk of these streets,

forever in my rhymes.

 

as we add suger to our limes,

and grind flour from wheats,

all the joyful times

forever in my rhymes.

Author's Note

Written for a contest.
My first attempt to write a Villanelle, and since I've never mastered in literature I might have done something wrong, so any input will be really helpful.

From Wikipedia:
The villanelle has no established meter, although most nineteenth-century villanelles have used trimeter or tetrameter and most twentieth-century villanelles have used pentameter. The essence of the fixed modern form is its distinctive pattern of rhyme and repetition. The rhyme-and-refrain pattern of the villanelle can be schematized as A1bA2 abA1 abA2 abA1 abA2 abA1A2 where letters ("a" and "b") indicate the two rhyme sounds, upper case indicates a refrain ("A"), and superscript numerals (1 and 2) indicate Refrain 1 and Refrain 2.

Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 2 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 4 (a)
Line 5 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 7 (a)
Line 8 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 10 (a)
Line 11 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 13 (a)
Line 14 (b)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 16 (a)
Line 17 (b)
Refrain 1 (A1)
Refrain 2 (A2)

They also have a few examples, so you can look it up if you want.

Reviews

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

Hi, I'm back responding to your request: "Thank you very much for your review, though I find it a bit blurry. I'd appreciate it if you'll explain your intention, because we clearly have a different understanding of the piece, and I'd very much like to hear your interpretation."

By saying, "Life presents the stuff of rhymes if only we allow ourselves the chance to try," I meant that observing things that happen in day-to-day life (such as "time beneath the sheets," "nature,' "defeats," etc.) provides us with material to use in poetry (rhymes) if we just allow ourselves to see what is happening all around us and write about those happenings (the chance to try).

My comment was more an observation that your subject material came from finding joy in living. I was in no way attempting to interpret your poem, but rather commend you for your observations. LOL---I'm capable of being somewhat profound in my comments as well as in my own poetry.

I did enjoy the poem. I like rhyme and usually write using rhyme myself. Hopefully, what I meant is clearer for you now.

Sharon

[Sharon Miller Bolander]

Life presents the stuff of rhymes if only we allow ourselves that chance to try. Nice job, Sharon :-)

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Great job on the villianelle. Obviously this was a great piece, because I saw that you at least got an honorable mention. So congrats and good job.

[Sarah]

Great job with the villanelle!! I /knew/ you could do it! ^___^ This is perfectly in format, so great job mastering a rather difficult form of poetry! As for the poem itself, I love the use of symbolism & the thoughts associated with walking along the sidewalk, seemingly simple but deep in this poem! I love the second to last stanza the best, very catchy. (:

[Nicholas Hallows]

Very well done Yuval! If only it had the word 'silhouettes' in there it would be perfect! ;)
You use the structure and repetition to great affect.
Good luck for the contest!

[Midnight Rose ~*Anna Ro..]

I havent seen many villanelles, but this looks like one to me. very emotional piece. i wish you luck in the contest.


~*Anna Rose*~

[Legion]

Well, it is well done. Hope you win. One change though, "weats" I think should be "wheats". Unless there is another spelling of it I don't know about.