Violins

How music provokes feelings.

One stroke,

as I caress once more the heart you have broke,

as this sad tune plays I can feel myself choke,

so I cloak

the feelings these soft sounds provoke.

 

 

The strings

vibrate so softly as my soul spreads its wings,

turning itself into an angel that sings,

while it brings

and spreads new light on so many things.

 

 

Each note,

is sending my most, darkest feelings afloat,

emotions are a sea, my mind is the boat,

so remote

and yet I feel the pain in my throat.

 

 

My sins,

these evil demons taunt my soul with their grins,

while every tear feels like a bucket of pins,

it begins

whenever I hear these violins.

Author's Note

Imagine the sound of sad violins in the background for full effect.
Before the last stanza I see a violin solo with an angry tune, which return to normal when the last stanza appears.
on the last word of the final stanza, the violins play one long note, which carries on and ends the piece.

Reviews

[Whispering Aspen]

I am a free form poet, so take my comments with a grain of salt. I personally dislike poetry done in rhyme because so often I am so busy gathering up the rhymes in my mind that I entirely miss the meaning in the poem itself. I am afraid that is exactly what happened here. I got so caught up in the rhymes and form that I couldn't hear the message. This is of course my problem, not yours, but I am sure I lost a lot of meaning because I can't shut that off in my mind. This particular stanza caught my attention, however, and so I and going to venture to say it was you best work in the piece. It managed to break through my barriers and that deserves some mention, right?
"Each note,
is sending my most, darkest feelings afloat,
emotions are a sea, my mind is the boat,
so remote
and yet I feel the pain in my throat."

I would remove the word "most" from the first line, it is not needed and a distraction. The last line was the only part I didn't like. Your metaphor is too beautiful for such a strained last line to steal its beauty. it sounds as though you put it in there for no other purpose than to keep with your form and rhyme structure. That is the number one pitfall of trying to rhyme and structure poetry. Sometimes it can kill an otherwise beautiful image or message.

I wish I could say that I could hear the violins playing, but honestly my mind was for most of the poem to caught up in the semantics to feel or hear most of the poem. Like I said, take my comments with a grain of salt. I appreciate you sharing you r work with me. Thank you!

[Amor-de-angel]

This is brilliant, I advise everyone to read this aloud. It has the most stunning flow.
I'll be honest, I read this out to the Captain while he lay with his eyes closed and the first words he said were 'Holy Sh*t thats incredible' This would deserve to be top writing if it were still there.
A great piece of writing Yuval.

[waywithwords]

This would be a number one song my friend. Well, well written and you certainly keep your reader hooked line and sinker. smiles. Annexxx

[Nicholas Hallows]

I'd love to hear this with the music you envisage. I would usually find a poem with so much rhyme slightly irritating I think, but somehow you have managed to avoid this. Possibly because of the fact that you alternate the line length so it doesn't become too repetitive - instead it gives it a musical quality that you no doubt intended. 'I caress once more the heart you have broke' - I love the way with great musicians instrument and person are one.

Great writing!

Nick

[Tania Leigh]

Yuval, the way this flows is excellent and the rhyming is superb.....this would make a great spoken word piece, I'll bet.

The last two stanzas are my favourite....very nicely done!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Nicely done on this, i enjoyed this piece. I always find that music provokes feelings, and this piece reminds me of a legend in my town having to do with violins and the devil, or demons.


Great Write.

[ELii]

I always love to watch people play the violin or the cello. The way they put all their emotion and self into the instrument. You manage to tie this feeling very well into this poem. Sometimes the choking is bc a person holds the feelings or emotions in. Kind of hard not to cry at a violin solo, for me that is. I really enjoyed this poem. Nice rhyming that flowed. Well done!

[Moonlit-Blues]

Beautifully done, since I used to play the violin, the visuals and the sounds came through very evocatively!!! Lovely poem *adding to favourites* so I can read if ever I have the blues !