Violins

How music provokes feelings.

One stroke,

as I caress once more the heart you have broke,

as this sad tune plays I can feel myself choke,

so I cloak

the feelings these soft sounds provoke.

 

 

The strings

vibrate so softly as my soul spreads its wings,

turning itself into an angel that sings,

while it brings

and spreads new light on so many things.

 

 

Each note,

is sending my most, darkest feelings afloat,

emotions are a sea, my mind is the boat,

so remote

and yet I feel the pain in my throat.

 

 

My sins,

these evil demons taunt my soul with their grins,

while every tear feels like a bucket of pins,

it begins

whenever I hear these violins.

Author's Note

Imagine the sound of sad violins in the background for full effect.
Before the last stanza I see a violin solo with an angry tune, which return to normal when the last stanza appears.
on the last word of the final stanza, the violins play one long note, which carries on and ends the piece.

Reviews

[Whispering Aspen]

I am a free form poet, so take my comments with a grain of salt. I personally dislike poetry done in rhyme because so often I am so busy gathering up the rhymes in my mind that I entirely miss the meaning in the poem itself. I am afraid that is exactly what happened here. I got so caught up in the rhymes and form that I couldn't hear the message. This is of course my problem, not yours, but I am sure I lost a lot of meaning because I can't shut that off in my mind. This particular stanza caught my attention, however, and so I and going to venture to say it was you best work in the piece. It managed to break through my barriers and that deserves some mention, right?
"Each note,
is sending my most, darkest feelings afloat,
emotions are a sea, my mind is the boat,
so remote
and yet I feel the pain in my throat."

I would remove the word "most" from the first line, it is not needed and a distraction. The last line was the only part I didn't like. Your metaphor is too beautiful for such a strained last line to steal its beauty. it sounds as though you put it in there for no other purpose than to keep with your form and rhyme structure. That is the number one pitfall of trying to rhyme and structure poetry. Sometimes it can kill an otherwise beautiful image or message.

I wish I could say that I could hear the violins playing, but honestly my mind was for most of the poem to caught up in the semantics to feel or hear most of the poem. Like I said, take my comments with a grain of salt. I appreciate you sharing you r work with me. Thank you!

[DarkAngelWriter]

I had already imagined what you said in your "Author's Note" while I was reading it... I guess we talk to much ;) lol.

Great write, mi amigo.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

Ah, if you could only put the music with the beautiful, somber words you have written. Congratulations on your place in the contest. I played violin for many years - it does sometimes feel this way. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

A poem based on a music background.

That is always a wonderful Idea. I once wrote "Lounge" with the music "Indra" by Thievery Corporation playing on the background, it helps a lot with the message.

I liked the form and concept of the poem. This is a great piece.

[Blackbirdsong]

I love the way you use rhyme in this...it doesn't feel heavy-handed at all, but subtle, much like the story you tell here about the sad violins and their lilting music. Gorgeous poem

[waywithwords]

Yuval my friend this is your best I have read. It just sings it's tune out and great imagery use. Brilliant.
HUGS xxxAnne. I have re-read this and do not know whether this is allowed or not but had to give more comments on how me the reader perceived this wonderful poem. HUGSxxxxAnne

[Midnight Rose ~*Anna Ro..]

I actually used to play the violin a long time ago. It was pretty fun for awhile.

I agree with Amor, it is a brilliant piece and shouldm defiently be read out loud. Brilliant awesome piece.

[Rain]

I agree, Brilliant. Violins, especially can create a sound that lifts the emotions. It can be haunting, or angry. Your words would be perfect spoken in harmony with a crying violin. Rain..

[Brenda Sue]

Awesome. I love it and I could hear the violins playing as I read just like you described. Excellent job.

[ThexUnspeakablexRomance]

This was beautiful. The flow of it added to the meaning behind it. It says a lot for not being very long. Good job!