Words Around Walls

Sometimes it's hard to reach into the hearts of our loved ones, but we must keep on trying.

You never let me near.

Spending your life in fear.

I see you stand, holding my hand

but you're not really here

 

Couldn't you just give

yourself the right to forgive.

I want you with me, but all I can see

is me forcing you how to live.

 

I'm fighting on your behalf

a shadow of your former self.

You're getting worse, and this terrible curse

is breaking my heart in half.

 

If I find a crack in your wall

I'll bash it untill it'll fall

Word after word, my sound will be heard

and I hope you'll answer my call.

Reviews

[Nicholas Hallows]

Firstly, this is a poem I can relate to very well.

The next thing that stood out to me was the rhyme pattern - which I really liked. The first time I read it I wasn't quite sure but then I read it again and the rhythm was more apparent and then when I read it aloud it clicked completely and flowed beautifully.

My only issue is with the third stanza where the rhyming is not as perfect - behalf/self/half - although I do love what you are saying in this verse and in a way it is actually my favourite stanza. I just felt like the 'self' and 'half' needed a bit more rhyme. (unless this is deliberate and has gone over my head - maybe it is a shadow of former stanzas?? - the rhyme being a slightly imperfect shadow... or something like that)

Good work!

(formar should be former - again, unless deliberate - you never can tell with these clever poet types ;))

Nick

oh.. and I loved the title too!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I cant tell you how many times I've tried reaching out to someone who was in trouble. I even sacrificed my own sanity to help someone who almost committed suicide one summer. Thankfully thats over with, though not sure about my sanity surviving that.

Wonderfully written. Great Write.