Discoloration

A sunny afternoon

under a clear blue sky

I set on the grass

drinking some chai

 

As I lay in the meadow

a shepperd walked by

his flock of white sheep

had been catching my eye

 

Among these snowy beings

I have found myself drowning

in a colorless sea

as the sheep I was counting

 

As they've passed I have found

that the grass was too plain

the green hurt my eyes

I couldn't bare the pain

 

Under too blue of a sky

staring at a grass too green

my eyes had to adjust

to this familiar scene

Author's Note

Pure nonsense.
Do you enjoy the open ending?
Everything I could think of adding at the end just seemed to ruin the whole poem.
Share your thoughts.

Reviews

[Amor-de-angel]

I liked the feel of it,but then anything with sheep in I like..
Nice picture you paint of that field,calming

[Tania Leigh]

lol, I find it quite likeable :-)

The only thing that I could suggest would be to add "too" to the last line....it would tie it in with the first two lines in the stanza and balance it a bit....I know the syllable count is 7,7,6,6 but read it out loud with and without the "too" in the last line"

"to this too familiar scene"

The only caution here is that it would give the reader the idea that the speaker might be somewhat tired of his surroundings....maybe not a feeling you intended.

But by adding that one word, the last stanza supports the one before it even more:

"As they've passed I have found
that the grass was too plain
the green hurt my eyes
I couldn't bare the pain"

Great imagery here.....it easily transported me to an open field of grass, and it has a very welcome relaxing theme. Nice!

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

that happens to me way too often. --hmm chai, i could for some now. seemed to almost play out like a dream -counting sheep before you go to sleep, that kind of thing.