My purse and hope regained

An exemplary act of honesty by a beggar on a railway platform

It was a hot day and it was crowded and hectic at the railway station. I had reached the station half an hour before the departure of my train. It was sleeper class coach and I had the window seat. I settled my luggage beneath the seat and drank a cup of buttermilk, which I brought from my home. Then I started observing the commuters moving on the platform. A physically-challenged beggar approached me. Generally, I consider such people compassionately. But that day I had already given money to 3 or 4 beggars and so I kept mum and looked at the other side when the beggar was asking for alms. The beggar passed me slowly. When only 5 minutes were left for the departure of my train, I casually checked for the purse in my pocket. I searched in the shirt pockets, and pant pockets, but I could not trace it. Generally, I used to keep my purse in my pant’s back pocket. Instantly I became panicked. Besides a few thousand rupees, many important originals like Aadhar, driving license, Credit cards, etc were inside the purse. I frantically checked my shoulder bag but of no use. I must have missed it somewhere on the platform when I purchased snacks and magazines. My mind was in dilemma as to whether I should I get down with my luggage for searching for the purse or proceed with the journey. I did not have my ID card also to show if the traveling ticket examiner insists on the identity card. I was going to outstation to attend a death mourning ceremony of one of my close relatives, the next day. I got out of the train and for a moment thought of running onto the platform and having a quick look at the two stalls where I purchased snacks and magazines but I noticed the green signal which indicated that the train might depart anytime. I quickly got back into the train and took my window seat. I could hear the sound of the train, signaling its imminent departure. At that point of time, when I was in a state of shock and despair, the same beggar with a physical disability, seemingly exhausted from running, handed over my purse to me, uttering in haste that he found it near the magazine stall, about ten bogies away from mine and that he opened it and my photo flashed from inside the purse. He immediately correlated the photo with mine and was coming running and looking into each bogie for me. The train by then had started very slowly. I could not believe my own eyes. I asked the beggar to keep moving with the train and did so. Wasting no time, I just opened the purse and to my utter joy, found everything intact, including the cash. I swiftly took out the bunch of cash from my purse and almost on the verge of the beggar disappearing on the platform due to the speed picked up by the train, pushed it into the hands of the beggar. I even didn’t know whether he collected all the cash or some of the currency notes got crushed under the train. By that time the train had picked up momentum and crossed the platform. I even could not properly convey my gratitude to the beggar. With my co-passengers looking at the scene in awe, I prayed silently for the welfare of the beggar, whom I neglected to give some money earlier.  At that moment I changed my belief that not all beggars are, not trustworthy. I prayed for the well-being of the beggar, my eyes getting diluted with the mixture of tiny tears

Reviews

[Joyram]

Mr. Jay Greenstein
I profusely thank you for reviewing my story-like essay. I bow down to your pristine language and guidance par excellence. I confess I am still a novice in writing English stories. I appreciate sincerely your first suggestion to paragraph the contents.
It would be my delight to go through your writings in the days to come. You sound like a professional writer if my guess is correct. Such reviews done with the intention of improving a writer, are a boon for every writer who wants to be noticed by a fraction of the reading community, at least.
I have already posted a few more stories. In case you could find five minutes of precious time, please do
review one of my stories. That would help me to make a giant leap in my quality and style of writing.

Thanks and best wishes
Joyram

[JayG]

Let me introduce you to the concept of the paragraph: they're necessary. Without them this 617 word block of text can't be read. If the reader loses their place they'll never find it again.

That aside, you're telling the reader a story, as if they can hear your voice, and you're dwelling on details like the temperature, which is irrelevant to the story. But the reader can't hear the emotion you place into the telling. Nor can they see the expressions you use or the gestures you visually punctuate with.

The thing is, readers aren't interested in being told what happened. They want you to make it seem as if they're living the events as-the-protagonist, and, in real-time. Instead of telling the reader that the protagonist is sad, make the reader sad for the same reason. Make the action so real that if someone throws a rock at your protagonist the reader will duck.

Don't know how to do that? None of us do when we turn to writing fiction because in school we learn to write reports, which are nonfiction. For fiction, we need an entirely different set of skills. So hit the library's fiction-writing section. Given where you are, seek Debra Dixon's, GMC: Goal Motivation & Conflict. It's a warm easy read, and exactly what you need.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/