Intentions

Went further than intended
he doesn't know
about
us?
If that's what you'd call it
Couldn't just be
friends
Couldn't just leave
[Well enough]
alone
You can't
just walk in
and expect me
to hold you
enveloping the hurt
as though mine doesn't count

Author's Note

meh...I hate feeling this way.

Reviews

[SpokenWord]

Shared hurt and acknowledgement. This makes me think of how some of my old time long ago friends were black holes. Your style is interesting I don't know how to put it into words just yet but I will be able too soon enough.

I have regreted in the past of not paying enough attention to my intentions, I have learned to follow my intentions as much as possible. When I have gone past my intentions it has often created a lot of drama and saying I couldn't help it just doesn't fly these days! Leaving well enough alone is in the same boat.

:P Ha one more for you :P hehehe

[Solidad]

I fixed "then" and "than" still confuses me thanks for the heads up. As for punctuation I'm going to leave it as it. Main reason being it is to be taken as the read takes it. I'm not going to give them a road map because they should get there on their own. If they get confused then congrats because that exactly how I felt when I wrote it. I do understand if there is confusion and next time in my author's note I will specify about the lack of punctuation.

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Okay, here is my non-expert opinion. As far as content, the poem deals with what could be a whiney topic in a graceful way. But there are some technical things.

I wish that you had punctuated this poem more extensively, because it was a smidge difficult to read. Since you wrote the poem, you hear it perfectly in your mind's ear because you know exactly how it's supposed to sound. I really struggled to read the poem because I did not know where the stops and pauses were supposed to be. A common misconception is that the end of a line indicates a pause in a poem. This is not the case and so, we the reader REALLY need punctuation to know how you want us to read your poem. Think of it as a road map.

Also in the first line you used the word "then" where I suspect you want the word "than". It's an easy mistake to make and I have made it dozens of times myself.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This poem really got to me.
I have no words...all I can do is just shake my fist....
That is the only way to explain such sincere emotions.

[Quiana Shakia]

Very nice and to the point!

[WynterPhoenix]

Your poetry is always so honest. I know I've said that before but that's one of the reasons I love it so much! You have a unique style in your writing that says you. Even in your poems that are a few simple words, they say so much.

I think we've all experienced these feelings. Even though we hate feeling that way, at least we get a few good poems out of it and you won't feel that way forever.

[Alicia Hirshey]

I like this. It can be taken so many ways and I think that is what makes it so good. great write