A List of Things to Repent For

I sat quietly on the porch. Occasionally I smoked, yet another thing that was your fault and indirectly mine. You were on another one of your disappearing acts. I’d learned your secret… You were addicted to Meth.

“How’s Dulcey,” Deenie questioned from the other line.

“Big,” this week’s infatuation was one word answers.

“I bet, you know Han I have a few days. I was thinking that I could come and stay with you for that time.”

“Sure Deenie,” I wasn’t going to argue with my sister. I didn’t have the energy and I wasto busy thinking about we.

“Everything ok?”

“Yeah, just thinkin’,” which wasn’t too far from the truth.

“It’s Eric isn’t it?” she stirred the pot.

“No, Deenie this time it’s me.”

“What do ya mean Han?”

“I’m not doing a good job at keeping things together.”

“A relationship isn’t one sided you know. Rather Eric likes to believe it or not.”

“Yeah, well he’s meeting me half way, just not in a way that most would.”

“And am I suppose to understand that riddle there Confucius?”

“No, I don’t expect you to understand anything at all,” I hung up the receiver. I wasn’t in the mood to fight with my sister. Nor did I feel like telling her about your new ways of f*****g up. She talked to Mom and that’d be a lecture I’d never escape.

I guess you learned or practiced your footing because you came inside like a normal human being. Made coffee and went to your piano, which had inevitably been collecting dust for the past couple of months. I should have been shocked but I was beginning not to care at all about your well being.

“Hannah!” you called out to me.

I didn’t answer you.

“Hannah!” you bellowed again.

“What Eric?” I tried to sound loving.

“I need you!” I hated it when you whined.

“What Eric?” I walked into your foyer.

“Come here,” your finger beckoned.

“I’m fine over here, what was it that you wanted?” I stood firm.

“You’ve been bad,” you stood.

“What else is new Eric? Can you surprise me once in a while and say something different?” I crossed my arms.

“We need to go to church on Sunday,” you lunged forward. I stepped back.

“Pray to your idol God Eric. But I will do no such thing,” I turned to leave. I was going to take Dulcey to the park.

I pushed her softly on the swing set.

“Higher Mommy!” she bubbled with laughter.

Mommy a word I heard more often than Daddy. She called for me now.

“Ok,” I pushed her harder.

“Well well,” Leo approached. He was what I’d always hoped Eric would become. A good father, a true Daddy, “pleasure seeing you here again.”

“Yeah,” I was glad to see him. As a matter of fact I’d been looking for him, “Well, it was a nice day out and Dulcey wanted to come again.”

“Well it’s nice to see you too Miss. Dulcey,” she laughed at him.

“I not a Miss mister.”

“My Daddy not a Mister!” Tyler hopped up on the vacant swing next to Dulcey. The two laughed. They were beautiful together.

I’d always wanted you to be like this. But you refused. Something about being dependable turned you off, and yet you expected me to love you regardless. And for a while I did. I still do. But you were becoming that monster my sister had warned me about. And I wasn’t exactly stuck but there wasn’t exactly a place fore me to run to either.

The day ended in lunch with Tyler and Leo. Exchanging of phone numbers and a future play date.

Reviews

[r]

I LOVE ths chapter, how she's ignoring Eric and...yeah. I just freaking LOVE it. she's going to get hell for all this...but oh how I LOVE Leo! i really love the form of this, which i REALLY have to quit saying, but it's SO true!! Reading onward! (: