Liar Liar

That hurt my feelings. You hurt my feelings, but there was no way around that. You believed that you were right because you believed in God and thought me wrong because I questioned your authority. You’d change your opinion of me about as often as you changed your socks. One day you wore blue and envisioned a life without me and the next you wore white and it wasn’t so sac religious to look in my direction for the moment. Although it never occurred to you that I was human and that you could be compassionate, I tried my best to love you anyways.

Occasionally, you blacked my eye to match your bruised ego. I stood still and opened my mouth and would say another word, which was basically asking for another lick at my pride. But unlike most later on you never bought me nice things to make up for it, you just told me to, “Suck it up,” or, “Walk it off.”

“Eric?” I’d beg for your attention while you played with your piano. You just ignored me, until later that night when I was expected to put out like a w***e from the Red Light District. You’d whisper hateful things to me while you thrust harder. Hurting my feelings always made it more pleasurable for you. But I damn near always needed a few hits of silver fix afterwards, and to think I never left you…

I promised my sister that I’d leave you every Christmas, but I never did. My mother never saw the discomfort in my eyes until New Years before she’d question and I’d lie my way out of a lecture. But every year I added another glass of champagne like tally marks. This year’s grand total was two bottles of Merlot, a half a bottle of Jack, and two nights in the hospital for wrapping my car around a telephone pole. I didn’t go to work for two weeks after that.

“Hannah,” you’d stroke my face, “my lovely.” I’d cry because I knew you were lying as well as sleeping with the next-door neighbor’s daughter.

“I love you,” you’d ask me to strip and parade around the house like and idiot. I never wore a diamond or a gold band but some how I was stuck with you forever. Common law I assumed.

“Sinner,” you called me by name and, “W***e,” if I gazed at another. I was always torn between loving and hating you. But I always swore that I was never addicted…

Eventually I conceived and you paid mind to my existence. Although you weren’t pleased at first you toyed with the idea. “Tell no one,” you threatened. I swallowed hard but kept up my end of the bargain. How long could I hide my joy before it began to speak for itself?

“Hannah you’re glowing,” Deenie would make unannounced visits. That upset you because it hurried your plans. You weren’t ready to make your move yet and I could respect that.

“It’s nothing Deenie,” I’d have to let go of the excitement and wait.
“She’s always glowing,” you’d speak dryly to my sister. Like oil and water the two of you were, joined together by one cause…me.

That moment quickly ended as you scurried Deenie out of our apartment and we went back to our usual bantering. It was bad for the baby but you never saw passed your own nose let alone worried about a child that you couldn’t see.

Lately, when the room was quiet you’d lay your head upon my swelling belly and whisper intellectual things to the growing fetus. Slowing my breathing I tried to act as though I were asleep. I dare not disturb your time sharing your most intimate secrets with my womb.

Christmas was close, you’re least favorite holiday. We’d been practicing for weeks now how to present our “engagement” as well as the unborn child that I’d kept secret. I hadn’t seen my family in months, with the exception of Deenie every now and then. The visits became forbidden as I began to show.

“I will do most of the talking,” you commanded. I just nodded and braced myself. You rang the door bell as I took a deep breath in.

“Hannah!” Deenie greeted us at the door. Us, the holidays were about the only time were ever were an us. The family atmosphere generally forced you, and I loved it because for brief moments it seemed as though you actually cared.

It wasn’t long before my swollen abdomen introduced itself.

“Oh Hannah,” Deenie frowned.

“Well are you going to let us in?” I pretended not to notice my sister’s severe disappointment. She stepped aside, and you passed as though she weren’t even there.

We all sat crowed at the dinner table. Things seemed less exciting this year. Some how I knew you’d find a way to put a damper on things. I couldn’t drink to dull the evening. So you cleared your throat to kill the silence.

“Hannah and I are getting married,” you forced a smile.

“Oh,” my mother held in a breath, “Well congratulations, on the wedding and the baby.”

Deenie wasn’t sure what to make of the situation as a whole. I smiled genuinely.

“Aren’t you excited for us?” you directed that comment towards Deenie.

“I highly doubt you knocking my sister up is anything to be excited about let alone celebrate,” she excused herself from the table.

All I could do was sit with a stuck grin on my face and try not to cry. But you didn’t care about my feelings, just spiting at everyone around you. I must have confused you for someone who gave a damn, for a moment there I thought you’d actually ask how I was feeling or if I was ok…

Dinner ended in disaster as well as a silent car ride home. I had nothing to say, then again when did I ever. You laughed because you had succeeded in ruining Christmas for the third time. I wasn’t sure were this was going but it was safe to say that it was in my best interest to keep my mouth shut.

We’d gotten into one of our usual arguments, I was becoming more daring due to the fact that there was a baby between us I’d never thought you’d hit me…again and again and again.

At eight months pregnant I napped in a pool of my own blood and dehumanization as you knelt in front of your idols and prayed for forgiveness but never said you were sorry. From there you played piano for a few hours before you decided to leave for “work”.

My left eye watered as I sat with an ice pack over the right. I was humiliated; my bottom lip required stitches, as well as my right brow. I didn’t own sunglasses big enough to hide our disagreement and a burlap sack would have been too obvious.

Deenie stopped by.

Reviews

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......

holy.....

crap...

i have no idea what to say.

That was amazingly powerful, and so...violent. And ...I'm speechless, sorry. I can't help it. I love the form of this, the voice, the ...everything. The story is amazing, and I love the simple way everything is put. It's just so amazing. I love the last line "Deenie stopped by". It's just amazing.

I'll read on, sorry for the not really helpful review. (: