June 12, 2011

June 12, 2011

Dearest Selena,

"I dreamed last night I was falling and you didn't catch me". I hear your voice repeating this over and over again in my head. I don't know why. Am I neurotic, or do you actually need my help? It wouldn't be the first time. Catching you when you fall used to be one of my greatest skills and strongest passions. That's what a man does for the one he loves. Now, I can't decide if you're my lover or my torturer. Sometimes I think you're both.
I felt like a fish swimming the depths of the darkest seas when you found me. You were a white light burning in the distance. At first I was afraid. My eyes were not accustomed to bright things. But my fear subsided as I was drawn to your beauty. You made me feel wild and alive, like I would do anything to keep that light shining and safe. Against my nature I came near, and that's when I first glimpsed a face that hid behind your light. There was an ugliness inside you that can only have been shaped had you spent the same amount of time as I lurking about in these cold and dark waters. I saw your teeth, gigantic and sharp, able to inflict a terrible pain of which I still bare the scars today.
Still I defended your light. Such was my oath. And to be honest, I was ugly too. But together we were beautiful. A conundrum undoubtedly, like multiplying two negatives to make a positive. I don't know why it's true, that's a problem for the philosophers and mathematicians. The question for me is where you've gone and how to find you. I haven't seen you in five years, except in solemn dreams and wandering reveries. I haven't heard your voice again, until now, as you haunt me with that single phrase.
Tomorrow I return to my uncle Robert's estate outside of London, to the place where it all began. Perhaps there I can find a clue as to why this is happening. If you are falling, my lovely Selena, I am coming to catch you.

Yours always,
Brandon

Author's Note

The most rough of my rough drafts. A work in progress