Physicals

this poem is about the mental and emotional pain trans people go through during physicals

I go to the front desk

and inform the secretary that I'm here

my heart is racing

i sit in the waiting room

the doctor calls me in

I go through the hallway and walk in the room

I feel so nervous

I am not prepared for this

I sit on the chair

The doctor tells me to take off all my clothes

I am very scared

I take off all my clothes

I put on the gown

the doctor wants me to calm down and relax

I lay on the bed

and try to stay relaxed

The doctor talks

but I can't hear him through my anxiety

he lifts up my gown

and starts to poke and prod

I close my eyes tight

and try to imagine I'm  anywhere else

anywhere but here

where I am so exposed

I want to get out

out of this body and this dysphoria

that pains me inside

I want to be all done

the doctor leaves

I am alone and exposed to my own self

I get up and dress

and leave this damn nightmare