Must I be Crucified

I've tried so hard 
To mend a broken heart
But when it has so many shards 
Where can I start 
God where are you in this moment 
When I need you most 
I can't do this on my own 
I can't put down these malevolent ghosts 

I put my trust in faith 
To see how far it could go 
Can the unseen break 
God is one to know 
Can I seek redemption from a bridge I've burned 
When the ashes are unsteady
Can a page of cinders still be turned 
When I lit the fire already 

Why does it have to hurt 
What have I done
Is this the fate that I deserve 
If not the one I want 
How many times must I break 
Before you're satisfied 
What suffering do you deem great 
Must I be crucified