Mansfield-'A Dear Diary Page'

A humorous 'Dear Diary' page by a talking cat.

Dear Diary,
Ever since Mr. Anthony taught me to speak I have also learned to read and write.
Therefore, I have decided to start keeping a diary to record the very important
happenings in my daily life. Mr. Anthony tells me that people do this when they
wish to write things down for posterity. Personally, I find this a very dignified way
to pass one's time. Honestly, what could be more interesting than what happened
in my life on this particular day of whatever month or year this is (Please, excuse
me as I still do not understand this concept that humans have of months and
years. Despite all of Mr. Anthony's attempts at explaining). However, after much
thought and meditation (we cats are very good at that sort of thing, you know)
have come to the conclusion that I will attempt to keep a diary of the daily
occurrences in my life. Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen I give you
(dramatic music)... “The Life and Times of Mansfield, the Cat” or perhaps “The
story of Mansfield”, or wait better yet “Mansfield: A Cat's Tale”. No, that's just
ridiculous. Forgive me, it's still a work in progress.
Day 1
I awoke at a good hour, 1:00 pm., to be exact. I try to rise early so as not to
disrupt my evening nap. As my great-grandfather, Toby used to say “Early to bed,
after a good meal. Early to rise, in anticipation of a good meal. Makes a cat fat
and happy!”. Ah, dear old great grandpa, now there was a fat cat! I fear I shall
never live up to his sterling example. As I was saying, I arose early and stretched
each leg carefully, sprang gracefully out of bed and began the tedious business of
alerting my human servants that it was time for my breakfast. Nothing fancy mind
you, merely a trifling meal of caviar, Lobster Benedict and a bowl of organic
cream. I'm a cat of simple tastes. After a frugal breakfast, I casually sauntered
about the house for an hour or so searching for the perfect place to stretch out
and have a brief snooze before my evening nap. Alas! It was not to be, the day
had started so perfectly that I had quite forgotten what day it was... KITTY BATH
DAY! Dear Diary never was there a more awful, more horrid day invented by man!
Imagine, me “Mansfield III of Mansfield Estates“ rudely snatched up by handlers,
taken out of doors and submerged in a “kitty tub” to be scrubbed like a common
house pet (so what if the handlers were wearing satin gloves and so what if the
“kitty tub” was made of gold, can you imagine such an indignity to a cat of my
standing”?). Oh, the shame! I will spare you the grizzly details Dear Diary. When
the torture had finally ceased, I was set down soaking wet, to await the arrival of
lavender scented towels. I quickly looked around the gardens to ascertain that the
groom's lovely tortoise-shell, Adelaide was nowhere about. It would not do for her
to see me in this embarrassing state. I would never hear the end of it. When I was
finally dried, I was off like a shot I can tell you. This gruesome event always ruins
the rest of my day, I'm ashamed to say it Dear Diary but I hid under my canopied
bed until everyone else in the house was asleep. Whereupon I crawled into bed
and settled down hoping that tomorrow would be a better day, the rest of my
evening being ruined as I had no intention of showing my lavender-scented face in
public after the day's horrendous events.
I assure you when my schedule is not upset by that barbaric ritual that humans
call a Kitty Bath, my day is much more interesting. Well, I must say that I quite
enjoyed writing about myself and am looking forward to tomorrow when I can add
another chapter to, “The Glorious Chronicles of the Life of Mansfield III”, no “The
Amazing Story of Mansfield”, Rats! I really must work on that. Speaking of “rats”
I'm beginning to feel a wee bit peckish. Not that I would ever admit to chasing
mice, I do have my reputation to uphold. Nevertheless, I am still a cat, but I trust
Dear Diary that my secret is safe with you. After all, who would ever read the
diary of a talking cat?

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at writing so please excuse any grammatical or textual errors.