Dead Will Take Care Of The Dead Ch.1

This is a good start to a short, or possibly longer, story. I feel like the second sentence could be broken up a little bit; With constant commas it just drolls on. "I’ve always seen the world differently. Not in the way that we tell stories, or our particular views. Not in our public opinions or the excessive (pursuit of knowledge) need to know more and more. (to what more to explain to others* This was confusing) And especially, what we differentiate right and wrong." That was the only sentence I felt did this as all others felt right and in place. Your theme is a solid concept and has the potential to be something more than what it already is. Take some time and expand on this and I think you'll make something great.

Posted 8 Years Ago