Romeo and juilet take a cab

Something I ended up writing while dealing with writers block while writing my wife a love poem

Romeo and juilet take a cab

Is this a fetish game?

No mam- squeaked the 16 year old with his hat in his hand, adverting his eyes from the half naked tall slender brunette sitting on the bed across from him. Staring at a beaded bracelet in her hand with a silver hummingbird latch.

Well you paid for half an hour, are you gonna spend it over there with your dick in your hand?
She said, flipping the bracelet around each finger, never taking her eyes from it

I...uh... don't you recognize me?

I'm sorry if I don't remember you but I've seen a lot of men over the years, I can't be expected to remember all of them- a harshness on her tone of impatience,

Jannessa, it's me Mordecai,

Jannessa grips the hummingbird tighter, her heart sinks,
J- You shouldn't be here

M- did you think I wouldn't

J- do you know what you're risking mordy,

M- I know the reward

Jannessa turns her body away from him, ashamed of her appearance and covers herself in a robe

M- I have a plan
He takes a step forward

J-you have to leave!
He takes his step back

M-I won't, Vince paid the fee and I'm in his place, if you won't come with me, then I will stay my half hour

J- and what you plan on spending all your money to see me in half hour increments,

M- until I convince you

J- you're being absolutely foolish

M-are you rejecting me? Are you trying to push me away

J- I'm trying to keep you alive

M- alive without you? Then I'd rather not live at all, point me to the nearest rooftop so I may leap into the abyss. The darkness is where I may lay for eternity for darkness is all I've known as long as you've been away

J-why won't you just leave and live your life, why won't you just forget about me.

M-do you no longer love me?

The silver hummingbird soars through the air and strikes Mordecai across the face, he looks up to see Jannessa lunging herself into his arms with a kiss his heart has ached for since their separation

She breaks the kiss but lingers just above his lips
J- for not a moment have I forgotten our childhood, for not a single day has gone by without thinking about our summer days in the orchards, or our winter nights by the fire in the stables.

M-but i-

J-for every vile man who has ever laid hands on me afterwards I regain my strength by holding this hummingbird in my hand and remembering the sweet words you use to say to me, for every night I'm cold and alone I think of the night I gave you my womanhood and you gave me this bracelet in return. How dare you say I don't love you,

Author's Note

Ignore Grammer please
What do you think?
Be brutal

Reviews

[Francis Orion]

I read your story. I think you have a good story line. It definitely needs some cleaning up. The structure is of a poem, but it reads more a story. I would play with the structure of it. I enjoyed the ending where it comes together. But, there were a few questions, like why he couldn't be with her, and who's Vince (an interesting name choice also, with two more unique names)? Overall, this is a great beginning. I think you have a wonderful story to tell here. Please remember, these are only my opinions, what matters in the end, is if your happy with it. Keep writing, I look forward to more.