Blood On The Street

I was inspired by a poem I read to try out this style. Enjoy! :D

Flocking,

Talking,

Shocking,

Gawking.

Blood on the street, flocking talking folks.

A man was "dead," shocking, gocking hoax.

Author's Note

A tyburn is a six line poem with a set syllable count.The first four lines rhyme and are all descriptive words. The last two lines rhyme and incorporate the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th lines as the 5th to 8th syllables. The structure is:

line 1 - 2 syllables
line 2 - 2 syllables
line 3 - 2 syllables
line 4 - 2 syllables
line 5 - 9 syllables
line 6 - 9 syllables

Any and all comments are welcome...I've never done one of these, so I'm sure I did it wrong. Let me know! Any ideas for a title?

Thanks!

Reviews

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

I really like this! Good job. I am not one for rhymes, but this was cool. Normally I cry "imagery! imagery! imagery!" to poets but even if I hadn't known this was a specific form it didn't need vast amounts of metaphor.

[QuietPoet]

This was interesting, I would have never thought of it, great thinking. Its different.

[Augustus]

I like this! It is a rather strange verse form I must say...never come across it before... It seems to be structured so as to create an impact first. With just two syllables in the first four lines... The rhyme also adds to the effect.... The last two lines give some insight into the eight syllables above them... In my humble opinion, it seems more suited to light humourous or satirical verses...
The title you have chosen too, sounds good to me... :)
Good write!

[Tia Sanchez]

I suck at writing poems to a certain format. It enhances word flow, though. I like this one.

[betty]

Wow what a very deep poem I am new here and it's learn as you go, thank you for sharing your work

[miSS LEaf]

heyy i think it's an awesome tyburn, it has such a mystery, like something dark is lurking :D
very different from my happy one, lol, excellent poem JH :)
~L
~L