"Urban"

This is the poem that I had before "A Sunday Stroll." If you'd like, read that after this, and see the improvements?

spinning fast, seeing colors.

seeing families with single mothers.  

 

look, there goes a crackhead scurrying up the street.

what a shame, not even shoes for his feet.  

 

hear the siren of that pig's car?

five dollars says he's headed toward's Ray's Bar.  

 

speaking of bars, how bout some liquor?

Let's head through the drive-thru to get that s**t quicker.

 

cruise up the block with the bass up loud.

the dude's in a hoopty, but still feels proud. 

 

"pssh, look at that buster rollin' on Daytons."

"you're just a punk, fool, why you be hatin'?"   

 

the place be bumpin' he's blastin' 1000 watts.

people take cover, as they hear some gunshots.  

 

One man's fortune, striked up another man's greed.

They found no clues, no suspects, no leads.  

 

Thats just how it goes, here in this place that I call home.

If you ever come visit, make sure you don't come alone.

Author's Note

Any and all comments are welcome. Thanks for reading! :)

Reviews

[Tia Sanchez]

The rhyming seems so natural. Like you just wrote a poem, and it happened to rhyme. Nice write. I grew up in Newark, New Jersey, so I can definitely relate to this.

[Annette Jay Sweeney]

I really do love this piece. The rhyme is great. I particularly love the tone of the speaker. I wish I had some criticism, but I can't really find anything.