The Nature of Sorrow and Grief

Sorrow and grief are very powerful emotions that humans feel. Sorrow, that gut wrenching, distressed cry that originates within the soul is one felt when someone or something precious is lost to us or when misfortune comes upon us. Grief is usually felt when someone is lost to us, whether it be through the ending of a relationship or through the passing from this life or when they are taken in some form or another from us or voluntarily given up- usually, this applies to children that are taken from their parents or children that are given to another family for adoption. These are times of darkness and hurt for many people, times that are trying to faith, and people experiencing these times need support, love, and compassion.

Many people often go through the grieving process when loss occurs in one form or another. The process is a cycle that goes in five steps and they are:

1. Denial and Isolation- Often, when learning of a terminal illness of a loved one or the death of a loved one, the person that is grieving will deny the situation and cut themselves off from others. If the person cuts themselves off from family or loved ones trying to help them, it is not the fault of the family or loved ones. It is a natural reaction to loss. They will also rationalize the situation and it is a defense mechanism that we all use to handle extreme pain.

2. Anger- (This one keeps coming up in my posts.) This is a normal emotion and it is a just one because you are not ready for the reality that does emerge and the emotions with it. As a defensive mechanism, anger is the quickest way to handle them and to defend yourself in grief to dull the pain. It is the lessening of one emotion by replacing it with another.

3. Bargaining- this is where you try to take control of the situation and try to see what else could have been done. It is wondered if more could have been done, if something else could have been done, if the grieving person had only been a better person towards the lost loved one or the ill loved one. It is normal and understandable because it is a coping mechanism where you try to regain control over something that is rapidly spinning out of control.

4. Depression- there are two types of depression associated with grief. One is the sadness at the loss of the person; clarification is sometimes all that is needed, and the other is more private- it is when preparation is made to say good bye for the last time.

5. Acceptance- this is a gift that not everyone reaches because we stay in our cocoon of anger and denial. It takes time to reach this point and it enables full healing.

These are entirely normal and takes time and patience to reach. People that are going through these emotions may need lots of patience with themselves and others, and the ones trying to help them cope need to be patient with the grieving party as well. And it is the same with sorrow.

Sorrow is one that is felt deep within the soul. It is a wrenching cry that is felt and can truly change your life. With anger, hate, sorrow, and even those who judge others, love must be given. People need love, their souls crave it, and the deeper the love, the more the kindness, the more healing and promotion of rebirth can be achieved. Sorrow can make blue skies seem dark and stormy, bright colors dull and gray, and a soft spring rain a wild, torrential, screaming storm. It can be drowning in a full room of people while others watch. Sorrow is one where it is heart wrenching to walk with and to get through, but the rebirth is so sweet and beautiful. The process of getting there is very painful and it burns and breaks.

With the right support, people can get through both. People can learn to live and breathe, laugh and love again. People can move forward and heal. But they need love- it always comes back to love, kindness, mercy, compassion, and uplifting people in their lives. It is a battle that is nearly impossible to get through alone and it is one that can have damaging affects that last a lifetime and are passed down, as with anything.

If you are sorrowful, or grieving, you are fine. It is normal. Feel free to reach out to me or others. You need love and you are loved. Be patient and kind to yourself. It is not the end and you can and will live again. If you know someone who is sorrowful or grieving, then remember to reach out to them and love them. Practice patience and kindness. Don't be short or cruel to someone because they are not healing as quickly as you want or you think they should. Each person is different. Be kind, for we are all fighting a different battle.