The Nature of Resentment

Resentment is something that is understandably felt when things don't happen how we want them to or need them to, or when someone hurts us in some way. We feel that we are treated unfairly or that we deserve better. Resentment, at its core, is indignation at unjust or unfair treatment. It is a normal human emotion as is anger and even feeling hate towards what is done towards you (hate towards the action, not the person, even though you may feel angry enough towards them that you do honestly think you hate them). It becomes a problem when you allow it to rule you and when you lash out at others because of your resentment towards something what is done to you.

Resentment is a normal emotion and it is expected when something goes wrong or when someone treats you badly. What is not good and very unfair, is to allow it to rule you and define your interaction with those around you. As with anger, it can lead to suffering and be a poison if held on to. You have to learn to move beyond it and to free yourself from it. Otherwise you will not have control over yourself and your own life. (This is really starting to sound familiar, isn't it, folks?)

And the reason that it sounds so familiar is that all of this ties in together. Anger and hate tie in together as does resentment, hate, and anger. They all go hand in hand and lead to each other. When you have anger that is held on to, it becomes hate. When you have resentment that is held on to, it becomes hate as well. When you have both together, it leads to a poisonous mix that will slowly kill you- not that you are going to literally drop dead, but it changes who you are and can kill your character.

Where I live at, there was once a man who was deeply embittered and

resentful towards everyone. He hated people because of what some people did to him in his youth; they had stolen from him, cheated him, beat him down, abused him, and he just finally let the anger and resentment boil over after it ate him alive and it became a deep seated hatred for anyone and everyone. He buried his pain under it and allowed it to define his interactions with other people and allowed it to change his perception. To him, the reality became that everyone was going to hurt him and screw him, so he had to hurt them and screw them over first. It's like what Igor said in Van Helsing to Dracula when Dracula reminded him to do unto others, “Before they do unto me!” This gentleman truly lived by that philosophy of Igor. But this did not make it truth or even fact: It just made it his reality because he controlled his reality and his decisions influenced his reality. Anyone that then entered his reality felt the consequences of his choices by his actions towards them. It is truly a domino effect that goes far beyond just ourselves and instead to other people. (The word of the day is interconnectedness! Learn it well.)

When we feel resentment, (again, it is understandable to feel that way over unjust and unfair treatment) we tend to be blinded to others' pain- especially those that hurt us and mistreated us. It is so easy to be blinded by our resentments and anger, and to look only at what others have done; we focus on ourselves and then just worry about how we feel. When resentment grows into hate and then the hate doesn't heal, we lose control over ourselves and our lives and we blind ourselves to the plight of others.

Resentment is understandable to feel, but, just as with anger, we cannot allow it to control who we are and who we became.