Men are raped, too.

An acknowledgement that it is not just women that are victimized by rape. *TRIGGER WARNING*

Something was brought to my attention recently that I have been turning over in my mind and that really hasn’t been covered until Chris Brown went public about his age when he lost his virginity and the age of the girl that took it. He was eight years old and she was fourteen or fifteen years old. Which made me realize-

Often, feminists and women focus more on what is done to their fellow women, and how to empower each other. While important, there is a lot more to the picture than just that. As I said once before in a debate on Facebook, we focus too much on the smaller picture, and not enough on the larger. While the raping, abuse,  and mistreatment of women is a very big issue, what about the same things that are done to men? Men can just as easily be victims and survivors of sexual abuse as women can, while women can just as easily be sexual predators. Neither is exclusive to either sex, anymore than it is exclusive to any given cultural heritage. It depends on the person that decides to become a predator and yank another person’s power away because they can.

    As covered in my previous blog, “Christians, Victim Blaming, and S**t Shaming,” rape and sexual abuse is not about sex or attraction. It is not about a sexual urge that cannot be controlled. It is a desire of power that manifests itself in a sexual act because it is what makes the person aroused- the power, not the attraction. Many times, men do not come forward with the sexual abuse they endured, because they are taught that they are stronger than women and have more power than women. So, when they are raped, they are now on the level of a woman and that is a cause for shame in many men’s eyes. However, there is another side I never even considered until I read a post by Olivia A. Cole concerning Chris Brown’s age when he lost his virginity.

    When he spoke about it, he acted as if it was something to be proud of, that an older woman wanted to have sex with him so much at such a young age. It never even crosses his mind that he was raped because he simply was not old enough to consent to sex. Too often, men are taught from a young age that to have an older, mature, more experienced girl or woman coerce or force themselves upon them, is a sign of sexual attractiveness and desire. They treat it as a trophy; which then leaves those who rightly feel violated when such a horrible act is done, alone and more vulnerable, because, if they didn’t like it, then there is something wrong with them, or, if they felt violated, then they are reacting in a weak and helpless way. So, on the one hand, men try to act tough and act as if they aren’t victims when they have sexual acts forced upon them, which causes problems in how rape is viewed. Rape then becomes a crime of sex, about sex only, and then turns the attention to only one half of the victims and survivors because they are viewed as weak and helpless. Which then results in the further objectification of that half that is perceived as weaker; it is an endless circle that leaves so many broken and vulnerable and it is a yoke that must be broken.

    With the rape of men, it is a different type of victim blaming and shaming. Where women are told they were asking for it, men are told they wanted it anyway because they are slaves to their sexual desires and urges. They are also scoffed at because a woman or another person took advantage of them, their feelings then invalidated and their wounds rubbed full of salt and then raked over coals.

    With rape, women have been told that they can control what happens to them, while men are told that they are no better than animals. These thoughts must change and it comes from a patriarchy that says men have to be a certain way, otherwise he is weak or womanly and a “real” man can’t be either of those. We are truly cutting ourselves short as human beings and being the result of billions of years of evolutionary process. We must take a stand against these thoughts and respond with love, regardless of the person’s identity, sex, whatever it may be.