Thunder sounds above. Everyone runs inside.
I run out. I run outside in my new dress.
Bright white, like snow.
My boots are white as well.
Such a pure colour.
White.
The opposite of my feelings.
My white jacket covers my arms.
My pale white skin.
It hides how I have felt these past months- years.
Lightning crawls across the heavens
And Thunder roars in anger,
The earth shakes in fear-
The angels start to cry.
I feel their tears run over me.
I raise my hands to the great ones above-
Thunder roars in blind madness.
Lightning shows itself again.
The tear drops run over me, mud wrapping around my shoes.
I want to be reborn again.
I want to be happy again.
I miss the days with you.
Sitting on your lap, watching the birds in your yard.
I miss sitting in the bath tub, writing words on the wall
Just to make them disappear like magic with a gun full of water
Unclogging the tub
Listening to it gargle.
You shudder and make a face,
Leaning in close,
You laugh and kiss my head
'I hate that sound!' You tease me
I laugh and climb out.
I miss you.
I miss you as well,
From the days when I was young.
Going to your house was amazing
But the food always threw me off.
Old style country cookin
From the days when you were young.
I hear so many stories about how you spoiled me
'Ohh! How purdy... Too big!'
I miss you so much.
I still go down to your house,
and expect you to be there.
Both of you.
You, in your bed, reading a book on a rainy day
You, in your chair, watching Gunsmoke.
I miss you both so much.
I regret not spending enough time with you.
Now both of you are gone-
Ripped from my grasp.
Gone forever-
In a land where you will live forever.
I am sorry to say this, but I will not see you there.
My views conflict with the ones I need
I do not believe in that-
I believe I will be born again.
To start all over in this rat race.
I miss you both.
So so much.
I have finally come to terms with it though.
I miss you too, sissy.
You were my best friend,
My only friend at times.
I miss our sleep overs.
I miss you.
We distanced ourselves.
But you were my big sister.
You are my big sister.
I miss you.
I miss you too,
You were so young.
Twenty-one with a baby
And you were taken away.
Nineteen with a baby
She was taken away.
All the strong women in my life
Ripped from my fingers.
I scream to the Gods to give you back
I beg the Goddesses for mercy
I confess my sins and beg Christ the Lord for forgiveness
I fall to my knees, mud splattering all over my outfit.
I feel water run down my face..
It runs into my mouth.
Salt.
The rain pours down and I strip my jacket off
And discard it in the mud.
I throw my boots aside.
Today I will be a kid again-
Reborn.
I raise my scarred arms to the Heavens.
I slip and slide in the grime
I feel my anger, pain and sorrow
Wash away.
I feel a smile for the first time in years-
I see all of you here!
I look to the sky and see you,
All of you,
Dancing in the heavens.
Blood drips from my arms to the ground,
Mixed with Rain.
Were you trying to heal me?
Scabbed over, I look at them
They're fading into scars
Memories
My Past.
I look at my dress.
It is now a creamy brown
I smile- it looks better
The sun peaks out and I see the colours of the Heavens,
I see a rainbow where you were
I close my eyes and sigh
I miss you so much.
I will always love you.
But It’s time to move on
It’s time to be reborn.