How Do You Know?

Breaking up is not easy as this couple finds out.

Love
What is love?
It is a feeling that we have for someone like family, country, or friends.
Is it possible for me to really mean I love you when I say, "I love you," to him, when I can't make up my mind up what to wear for my date?
I now think clearly, after he leaves me, I think to myself, "No. I can't. I don't know what this feeling is so why should I label it as love."
The next time we meet I ask him bluntly, "Can you honestly say that you love me?"
This shocks him.
Then, he looks at me, takes my hand, and kisses me like I might disappear, and says, "Yes, I love you!"
My stomach ties into knots because I know what I must do. It slaps me in the face, and I want to cry. I don't want to hurt him, but I've this coming for a while. I take a deep breath and say, "How can you be so sure?... How do you know?"
Then, he is quiet for a long time.
Finally, he says cautiously, "I don't know for sure. All I know is I want you in my life."
He is not making this any easier for me. I pull my hand away.
"What's wrong? What did I say? I'm sorry," he says afraid.
I try to make some space between us, but then he grabs my shoulders and looks me in the eye.
"Baby, we can start over, please," he says with a shaking voice and he caressing my cheek.
"Just stop for a minute. Ok?" I say trying to calm him a bit or I wasn't going to be able to say what I had to say.
Then, there is silence again for a minute.
"I honestly cannot say words as strong as I love you and not fully mean them," I began, "I can't live a lie that you want to be true. I mean we could start over a million times, and it would never work."
"So this is it? This is good-bye?" he said a little bitter.
"Yes, I will never make you as happy as someone else will. I know this is the best thing," I smile at him trying to make him understand that we don't fit together like a puzzle or a key in a lock.We almost fit, but we aren't quite right for each other.
I am not going to lecture him with these things because I know he will figure them out for himself later.
I move forward and kiss him one last time.
I know I am burning him by doing this, and myself at the same time.
The kiss first seared my lips, then my tongue, and then the rest of my insides like an iron rod being forced down my throat.
Why? I thought, Why am I doing this, torturing both of us?
Finally, I pulled away.
I looked up into his face, and I know that I am in the wrong.
I feel a stinging in my eyes and tears are falling.
"Viv-" he starts.
"I'm sorry. All I do is cause you pain. James, I'm sorry, good-bye," I say tears are still streaming down my face, but my voice is steady.
Then I sprint to my dorm room, where I sit on my bed loathing the fact that I kissed him, and all I can is feel the fire raging inside of me.

Author's Note

I classified this as a poem, but I'm not really sure where to put it. Feedback is appreciated.