Untitled #74

Attempt at writing rhythmically.

I don't subscribe to the notion
That the man with the dollar sign bag
Has my best intentions in mind.

As the zeros and ones bake in
the Sun, I ask what do we have left?
A frantic society, filled with "piety"
That feel justified in what they've done.

But today is a time, not just
A corruption, so I ask that you drop your
Assumption and offer a steady hand.

You can sigh and deny all of their
"lies" but what have you really accomplished?
You haven't opened an eye, you've just
stood by, and watched everything die.

Now what I believe you cannot conceive
because your mind is frozen, so accept
This flame, to burn your chains, so you can do the same.

Author's Note

4/24/10

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

You have a nice flow in this but I felt like sometimes you tried to force your rhymes, which kind of took away from the piece as a whole for me. You might consider playing the linebreaks a bit, maybe introduce some imagery or anchor for us to hold on to in order to make it nicer to read in general, but all in all, good piece. :)