A Confession

He watched the world around him descend into madness in the infinite sadness that came from knowing, absolutely, that it was not the world he could ever change; but only himself. It felt so without point to even try, but, unshaken, he pressed on; wondering how much could he accomplish before the inevitable occurred, and utterly alone - he would die. His tenacity? It was unmatched. Quite like comparing a conflagration to a match. His grotesque and numerous myriads of scars, he always questioned whether or not anyone would ever see the beauty hidden just beneath. Without pause, he pushed himself beyond any limit that could ever or would ever be, thankful that it hurt more than he's ever felt. That was the true strength of his insubvertable will, the reason he never hesitated to kill any and all malignance within himself; regardless of the impact upon his health. He always felt alone, and after twenty-four years, he didn't believe this could ever change. He couldn't rearrange what he felt. No longer was there a mask, for him, to hide the pain - it spilled all over every page; defined every note in the songs that he wrote. Attention, most people seemed to believe that what he wanted was attention; when in reality, all he was seeking was a suspension of the immutable isolation of his soul. Someone to hold him close and say: "You're not alone any more. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere. I love you, not despite all of the pain that calls your name, but because of it. I will forever be your muse..." but it was always punctuated with a sigh and the quiet mouthing of "what's the use...?" So he would recede, even farther within himself; almost finding solace in the solitude. Almost convincing himself that this was what he wanted; that this was the way things were meant to be - a loner, forever lonely. 

Author's Note

10/21/15

Reviews

[B]

Its as if i know exactly what you write of here
Everyone thinking one person needs attention
when in fact all one needs is acceptance
understanding
and freedom to be
Being alone is a beautiful thing
you get to create
and if you are lucky enough you meet someone who can be there yet allow you to have your space
so they do not change you
you grow with that person
i am about to find out if i am that lucky
so far no words
but i am patient enough to learn what this person is up to

i know exactly what you write of here

[Jonny The Savage]

I thought you might haha.
Exactly.
Creation is always such an important process. read moreI thought you might haha.
Exactly.
Creation is always such an important process.
It sounds like you're going about it right, so I hope so.

[B]

Creation is the mother of relief
when things suck
you create

[Jonny The Savage]

Catharsis for the win every time lol.
A lot of the best art comes out that way because there's a ton of emotion behind it.

[B]

yup
so
what are you going to create
i wanna do inverted pastry today
and an apple Charlotte

[Jonny The Savage]

probably a nap lol.
I'm too tired to accomplish much today.

[B]

you know what you can do while trying to get a nap
have you ever tried sketching a muscle tissue
on plain white paper
its fun
with a pencil

[Jonny The Savage]

I can't say that I have.
haha it kind of sounds fun.
I'm terrible with that kinda s**t though.
I'd be stabbing holes in the paper somehow.
I Have some serious skills, in that regard.

[B]

Holes can turn into a design by the way
a 3D one
And i swear i dont smoke any drugs of any form lol
Everyone thinks i am high

[Jonny The Savage]

True.
haha, you're just Nisreen.
I think that's explanation, in and of, itself.