The Responsibility of Love

A Chapter by Not A Writer

Everyone holds the responsibility of love. You cannot avoid it.

Introduction

No man or woman involves himself or herself in an intimate relationship with another unless he or she understands the other in some degree. No relationship will ever work out unless there remains a personal relationship between the two persons. If a son meets his father the first time in his life, he will find a difficult time in immediately bonding with the father. The father could buy anything the child desires, but if no connection is met between the father and son, the relationship will not be as loving as it could have been. This analogy is also true between the Godhead and us. The Godhead works together in love for one another as well as for us.

In every relationship, love manifests itself through the benevolence done to others. Love does not intentionally seek his own good because “It does not insist on its own way (1 Cor. 13:5).”[i] Therefore, love must be shown to the public or shouted on the rooftops to everyone listening. Love must manifest itself because love cannot be contained. Love is like a fire �" it spreads and must catch someone on fire. The Christian Hedonist itches to love others because it is his delight to fulfill the joy of others. (To find more about the meaning of the Christian Hedonist, turn to chapter six.)

Before we can go on and discuss the presence of love in the Trinity and the giving of love to us, we ourselves must form a biblical definition of love. Without a biblical definition of love, our theology of God would be skewed. A right perspective of love will form a right perspective of God.

Defining Love

Since this book is based on love, we should look at an accurate definition of love. Oxford dictionary defines love as “an intense feeling of deep affection.” What exactly is affection? Jonathan Edwards defines an affection as follows: “The affections are no other than the more vigorous and sensible exercises of the inclination and will of the soul.”[ii] As we see, love’s definition surpasses the realm of feelings because love is based on the will of a man. Sensual or physical activity, these two, falls short in what true love means because “love never ends” (1 Cor. 13:8). Because love is based on “the inclination and will of the soul”, love fulfills the end of a man’s interest. For example, as I write this, I am debating to go raid the pantry for food because I am hungry. This action leads me to question myself as to why I am wanting to go into the pantry to eat food. Of course, I eat because I am hungry; however, I eat because I want to take care of my body, and I do not want to neglect it. In short, I eat for I love my body. As we see, love is the end in all things.

God is the author of love. He is the author of love because He is the Person who first demonstrated love. (I will discuss how God demonstrated His love toward us later.) Since God wrote the Bible, looking at the Bible concerning the topic of love would not be a bad idea. In fact, 1 Corinthians 13 speaks a lot about love. Here is an excerpt from 1 Corinthians 13:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love never ends.”[E1]

This passage reveals that love treats others with the utmost respect. This love, so deep, is called agape love[E2] . Agape love refers to unconditional love. No other person could perfectly demonstrate this type of love than Jesus. He says in John 15:13, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” What God desires from us is not a shallow kind of love that reaches the surface of the skin, He desires the highest kind of love that makes sacrifices.

The Four Love Words

Since the word love has many meanings to many people, we should be aware of what the four love words before we advance in our study. An accurate understanding of love forms the way in which we perceive the love the Trinity has for us. A right view of the love of God for us will bring us to a further knowledge of this agape love and how we can apply it to everyday life by our relationships with others.

The first love, which we already discussed, is the deepest kind of love. This love, called agape, is unconditional love. Agape love loves even though there is nothing lovely about a person to love. This love loves despite of harm done to self. An example of this is seen in the book of Hosea when Hosea speaks to his wife, an adulteress, “You are to live with me many days; you must not be a prostitute or be intimate with any man, and I will live with you (Hosea 3:3).” This unconditional love can only come from God �" the only source from whence all true love emanates from.

The second love, a sensual love, is called eros. Eros is a love that expresses itself sexually in nature, but it can also express itself by having a deep attraction for someone close. A person being attracted to his girlfriend/boyfriend and/or husband/wife can explain eros. This love can be explained by the book of Songs.

The third love, a friendship or brother love, is called philia. Philia is a virtuous kind of love. It is a love that promotes loyalty to the Christian brother by loving others as himself. Philia should be a consistent love throughout the believer’s life. An example of this love is seen by Jesus feeding the five thousand.

The fourth love, an affection, is called storge. Storge is a love that bears situations or just accepts it. It is a love felt by parents for their offspring. An example for the love of storge is seen in Deuteronomy 32:11, “Like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The Lord alone led him . . . .”

In this book, I will be discussing two out of these four words of love: agape and philia. Since we are commanded to love one another, agape and philia should be deeply imbedded into our lives. Agape and philia should be the picture of our lives because God demands it from us.

What is True Love?

I defined love as “an intense feeling of deep affection”, and I used Jonathan Edward’s definition of the word affection; however, where does true love finds its true affection in? (I will explain what true love is and is not in more depth in chapter three.) Making any statement requires a true premise, so we must go to the Bible in order to make a valid statement.

The Bible says a lot of us finding our love in the Lord. Psalms 37:4 states, “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart (NKJ).” The Hebrew word for delight is sunedomai �" to rejoice with (anyone), to incline to, and take pleasure in. God has given us a command to find our joy and our strength in the Lord. God would only give a command to us to help us. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Therefore, the question to ask now is this: how is delighting in God for our good? Delighting in God is good for the soul because God is the highest good there is. The Bible says, “Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good (Ps. 34:8).” (To read more about the goodness of the Lord, turn to chapter two.) It’s when we look upon God and see how wonderful He is when we love Him.

True affection is founded in God, but what is love for God? 1 John 5:3 explains what love is: “This is love for God: to obey His commands.” Jesus said it this way, “If you love me, you will obey what I command (John 14:15).” But do you find it strange how God equates love by not how we feel towards Him but by our obedience directed for Him? Feelings come and feelings go. There will be times when our flesh simply does not want to love God, but it is during these times when God wants our love most. However, when our life is modeled by obeying God, that shows what we desire most. Feelings are conditional when suffering comes, but when obedience is given through suffering that shows our unconditional love for God.

True love is obeying all the commandments God gives. This does not just mean the Ten commandments. It also concludes any imperative given in the Holy Scriptures: Old and New Testament: “pray for those who persecute you,” “rejoice in the Lord,” and much more. If we do not obey even one commandment God has given us than we do not love God. James 2:10 says, “For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it.” 1 John 3:4 also says, “Everyone who sins breaks the law; in fact, sin is lawlessness.” Galatians 5:14 tells us something very important, “The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Since the beginning, God has told us to love God and to love others. Love is behind every command and is the duty of every man to fulfill.

Love is an affection

Many books have been made that talk about love. I guess I want to talk about love because ultimately, love transforms lives. Indeed, Christ’s love has transformed us. 1 John 4:19 states, “We love because he first loved us.” Christ’s love has also transformed me. I was saved at a young age, four years of age. Since than, my life has never been the same. I struggled through a majority of my life by playing video games. Video games, entertainment, me were my gods. Rarely, would I hang out with my family or do something for others. But it wasn’t till I was sixteen when I went to youth group when my youth pastor shared a quote from John Piper which states, “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.” It was then that I realized that God did not make me for Him to serve me and only me. So I gave my life to something bigger: the glory of God because God made me to glorify Him. It was then that I started to read books that talked about the Bible and I also read the Bible more, prayed more, and memorized Scripture more? So what happened? What happened was I found God more beautiful than anything else. That is what we are called to do basically. James 4:6, 8 says, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble . . . . Come near to God and he will come near to you.” Just as God wanted and wants my life even now, He wants yours.

I will be comparing affection to an obsession one may have. When one is obsessed about something, they will do anything to meet their need or a want. A need and a want are two separate things. Webster’s New World Thesaurus defines need as a lack, require, feel the necessity for, suffer privation, be destitute, be short, be inadequate, be poor. Webster also defines want as require, have an urge for, incline toward, covet, crave, have a fondness for. A person who is obsessed about someone or something will make sacrifices to meet his own happiness. An obsession is a hope: expecting to meet his want. The Message Bible by Eugene H. Patterson says of Proverbs 13:12, “Unrelenting disappointment leaves you heartsick, but a sudden good break can turn life around.” When an obsession is not met, it is a hope deferred. It’s like having withdrawal symptoms, the pain is tremendous and unbearable to live without. You desperately need it even though you want it. When someone is obsessed, they must have that thing because they can’t live without it.

Everyone has an obsession or passion because everyone has a point in living. The point is this, everyone has to live for something. The only reason the human race is still in existence is that a passion is still being led out. Each human has a hope. Without hope, there would be nothing to cling to. Hope is looking forward to some sort of success or goodness to befall on you in the future. Because of this, each person is zealously living for what he believes in. This zeal is a strong emotion. There are different varying emotions. Without a strong emotion of some kind, everyone would be going along their business in drudgery. A husband and a wife’s love for each other is so strong that they are willing to go through life together in sickness and in health. This same love is the same love that motivated Jesus to die for our sins. Another feeling is fear. Fear can cause one to run off the stage due to fear for public speaking. There is also hatred. Hatred is what inspired the Pharisees to persuade the Jewish people to crucify Jesus. (Other feelings.) If every man has affection, than how is it Christians don’t show true affection towards God and towards one another? Are affections never absolute? This will be discussed later in more detail, but affections will waver and fail but it is our duty to maintain the same zeal as we once had. Romans 12:11 says, “Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.” How can I keep my spiritual fervor? Without Christ, we can do nothing. First, we must rely on the grace that comes from God through Jesus Christ. Second, we must strive to obey the commandments that God give. I do not obey the law in itself, but I obey it through grace. Galatians 5:4-5 says, “You who are trying to be justified by law have been alienated from Christ; you have fallen away from grace. But by faith we eagerly await through the Spirit the righteousness for which we hope.” All that we desire should be built on the foundation we have in Christ Jesus. Colossians 1:16 says, “For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him.” When our desires are built on Christ, we will be like the builder who did not build his life on the sand but on the rock of Jesus Christ. And when the waves came, he found himself steady and firm, not sunk. Doubtless, to say, feelings and emotions, regardless of what you do, will control anyone and everyone. Even if you are not doing anything or not passionate about anything, the feeling that would control you would be apathy. The state of the mind controls what a man will outwardly do.

The mind controls what a man will outwardly because the inside defines what the outside will be. Jesus said it this way in Matthew 12:34, “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” He also said in Matthew 6:21, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Every heart has a treasure. As a result, a man will do anything to protect his treasure. He will protect the treasure because it is what defines the man. It is his life. If you take away the treasure, you take away everything that the man has. The heart of the man can be defined as good or bad by the outward actions of a man.

No Lukewarms allowed

Since a man is generally burning hot concerning his desires he has, it would only be right to see what God would say about us being hot in Him. We get the biblical term lukewarm by the text in Revelations three by Jesus speaking to the church at Laodicea. Revelation 3:15-17 states,

“I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.”

Warren W. Wiersbe says an enlightening thing about lukewarm people, “The lukewarm Christian is comfortable, complacent, and does not realize his need. If he were cold, at least he could feel it!” Everyone enjoys a warm drink when it is cold. And everyone enjoys a cold drink when it is hot. However, no one has any desire for a drink that is both hot and cold. God does not want a person who is not passionate for Him. We will now look at what a lukewarm Christian looks like.

A lukewarm Christian is more rich to the things in the world than the things of God. He stocks up his wealth and success only for himself. There is no difference between him and a believer. Instead of a man setting his mind to the things in heaven, the man spends all his efforts to satisfy him with wealth and the things that he is attract to. He violates the command in 1 John 2:15-16 which says, “Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world �" the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does �" comes not from the Father but from the world.”

A lukewarm Christian is apathetic to the things of God. He believes that “[he] needs nothing” from God. Forgetting that God is the one who gives breath to those who breathe, the lukewarm Christian lives as a Christian atheist. He takes for granted all the mercies of the Lord, as well as his many graces. As Lamentations 3:22-23 says, “Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” And why does a man take for granted God’s mercies? He does this not only because He does not love God, but because he is proud and does not have faith in God. Other times, men just simply forget. I can say after examining a portion of my life that Christian apathy settles in my life when I begin to neglect the goodness of the Lord.

A lukewarm Christian does not see his realize his current state in Christ. Though he may be satisfied with everything he has, he will only want more. He is pleased with everything; however, he does not realize his nakedness before God the Father. Instead of suiting up to be a warrior for Christ, he is void of the love of Christ in His life. He does not realize that he is “wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked.” He sees the physical and is immediately satisfied; however, he does not see beyond the metaphysical. His natural state is screaming for him to come back to Christ as Romans 1:18 says, “The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of men who suppress the truth by their wickedness.” The man is committing willful ignorance, ignoring all the pain and misery that lies inside when he should see that there is someone who can heal the pain. These people are the people Isaiah describes in Isaiah 5:20, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter.”

A lukewarm Christian does not like stepping out in faith. Though the Christian became a child of God through saving faith, he has a problem in trusting God in daily needs. If we trusted God in caring for our souls concerning the plan of salvation than why do we consistently have troubles in committing our soul to God for the little cares of life? Ultimately, we do not trust Christ because we trust ourselves more. However, when we walk in Christ like the Scripture says (Col. 2:6-7) than we have committed the walk of faith and will not find the cross as foolishness as we once have. 1 Corinthians 1:18 says, “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” To those who have stepped away from the process of sanctification, everything that God does seems foolish. He does not understand God’s ways. Thus God declares in Isaiah 55:8, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” God’s ways are radical and the Christian that steps out of faith does not like it because he likes controlling his own little bubble. We are fragile people, and instead of being hurt, we try to protect ourselves from being hurt. However, is this biblical? No, because we are searching more for our will instead of God’s. Instead of fully submitting to God’s will, we say, “Hey, I will submit to you if . . . .” I learned the importance of fully submitting yourself to God’s will the second semester of my freshmen year. That lovely freshmen year, I had to take the required course English 102. All my late nights, all my cuts, all my dazing off in classes were of the result of doing my best in English 102. Yet no matter how hard I tried to do my work, it seemed in vain for I was failing all my papers and all my tests. Yet it was not until when the semester was almost over when I had to come to the grips of reality. I did not fully commit my English 102 grade to God. It was my fear. I did not give it over to God. It was not until I recalled 1 John 4:18 Psalms 37:4 when I became convicted over my sin. 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight thyself in the Lord and He shall give thee the desire of thy heart.” Thus, I remember my call to love God more than I love my fear. I must be willing to “trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding (Prov. 3:5-7).”

A lukewarm Christian does not love God with his whole heart. The battle to love God seems to dwindle when we are tired. An example is a weightlifter. He benches a certain amount of weight tons of times, well, he is so used to benching that weight that he only stays at that weight. He is comfortable and does not strive to push farther to go into a new max. The call to love God is no easy thing. We must continually push ourselves, not by our own power but by the love of Christ by the cross. Instead of fulfilling the Great Commandment to love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength, we only love Him with a part of it (Lk. 9:57-62; Matt. 22:37-38).

Lukewarm Christians do not love others as much as they love themselves. Instead of looking out for the interests of others, they seek their own agendas. Love is first directed to God than to others, but sometime during the equation, we decide to fit ourselves in the picture. However, that is not the purpose of the scene. God wants us to love others, so we can give God the glory. If we only love ourselves, God is not getting the glory. We can give God the glory the most when we love others as ourselves. 1 Corinthians 10:31 says, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Lukewarm Christians have a limit as to how much love they should give. Their love is not directed to all humanity, but to a few select. Their love is direct to those they associate with. There is little to no love to those who do not show love to them. The love given is only conditional and is directed only to those who give. It says, “If you give I will give back (Chan, 73).” This is not love, but it is debtor’s grace. They feel bad if they do not give. They act under the law and not under grace.

By now, you should have learned the profile of the lukewarm. The lukewarm Christians do not show true agape love. We will be blessed if we do the will of the Father. Those who do what is written in the Word of God will find a life fulfilling.

Love has a will

By now you should have learned that love makes choices and depending on the choice, it will show if it is true love or not. Love is a state not of the feelings but of the will. Every person has a will and much decide whether they want to love or not. The decision of a man will reveal what the heart is. Jonathan Edwards defines the will in his book the Freedom of the Will as this, “The will is plainly, that by which the mind chooses any thing. The faculty of the will is that that faculty or power, or principle of mind, by which it is capable of choosing: an act of the will is the same as an act of choosing or choice.” When something is chosen, something else is neglected. This shows that something is preferred one over the other or what is more love than the other. This makes me mention the need of desire. A man’s desire is never against the man’s will (plan). For instance, if I will to eat ice cream, it shows that I crave to eat ice cream. I would by no circumstances prefer to eat ice cream unless if it fulfills my desire. The will and desire never clash against each other. If my will is bent on tasting and eating the ice cream, something is affecting my will to do that. Something is motivating my will. Jonathan Edwards defines the word motivate by saying, ““By motive, I mean the whole of that which moves, excites, or invites the mind to volition, whether that be one thing singly, or many things conjunctly.” Therefore, the will only chooses what is highly please able to it. How does love and the will interlink with each other? The solution is we must learn how to love rightly. Since the will is subjective from person to person we must conform ourselves to God’s Word. And the only way to learn how to love is to know more about ourselves. The thing is we are motivated by the wrong things or are not motivated enough concerning the things of God. We must learn to love loving others otherwise it will never be done. Love is a decision of the will and it’s up to you to start love now.

What will you do

As you read this book, you must ask yourself what will you with love? Love is the end of the means in all things. As Ted Dekker said, “Love leads to the Creator and . . . the discovery of love is the point of our lives.” We crave meaning, we crave satisfaction. The problem is we search for love in all the wrong places. We need to search the true love in God. Love invested in self is a life wasted. So we must love God first and then love others. Love will always remain zealous for what it is passionate for, so we must find our passion in God. Love delights in showing and giving love. So why not give love to the one who deserves it all?

I can only love God when I first place my faith in Him. It is when I place my faith in Him and take up my cross, when I will love Him more. Love loves more when sanctification works in you more. How? Because we become more like Christ. Love originates from the Father of Love. The more we become like God, the more God’s glory will be seen in us. 2 Corinthians 3:18 says, “And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” When we love it will than be expressively manifested for it is willed and desired. We choose to love because our hearts are love from the Father of love. Thus, when we delight in God more than the stuff that surround us, this is when life is most wonderful. However, love is not love unless if it has right motives. Thus, we must love God supremely. As Ted Dekker once said, “[Love is] not just what you do, it’s who you are. You’ve got to change who you are.” What you do will define who you are? So the important questions remains this: What was the last thing of value that you have done to show that you really love the Gospel and that you are willing to defend it? Every person must ask himself can he love the Gospel more? Can you love God more?

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