Wedding Day!

Wedding day uphevals

Wedding Day!

 

 

            "Teresa! You look absolutely terrible, your hair, your dress it's just agh." Said Fiona with her incredible ability to be blunt at all times.

Teresa breathed a lifeless breath and said "Yeah? Well I'm the still the first one of us to be getting married, so you shouldn't be poking fingers, Fiona."

            "Cmon, you know that I'm proud of you, but if you want this wedding to be a beautiful event, then you have to be just as beautiful."  Fiona said, as if she was saying the most important words of her life.

 

            Teresa became immersed in the motionless face staring back at her in the glass. She acted as if it wasn't her. Never before had her future and past been so interlocked, never before this day had those thoughts became connected, there was now no future, and no past, just a present in which she felt every point of her life at once.

 

            "I don't know any more, Fiona, can it just be that so much is going on?" Whispered Teresa

            "God, you're so pretentious!  You are about to be married, nothing else in the world is even relevant right now." Fiona cried out.

            "No, nothing else should  be relevant." She said.

            "Whatever, you're still that finicky drama w***e that I call my best friend, I give up , you're not gonna change."  She said, tongue and cheek.

 

            Fiona smiled and walked over to her friend, she placed her hand on Teresa's head. She knew exactly what was bothering Teresa, but she didn't want to point it out. They just sat there, it was as quiet as the breeze.

 

            "Chris is your world, don't let him leave." Fiona said, staring into Teresa's eyes as if looking for something in a vacant lot.

            "What if I don't want that? What if I want it to be someone, or thing else?" Teresa Said.

            "That's not your decision, you don't choose who you fall in love with, it just happens." Said Fiona, abruptly.

            "We know that with you." Teresa Said, chuckling.

            "Yeah, we do, but I'm stuck with it and I have learned to deal with it, and you should too."

           

            After that there a lull in the conversation. Teresa kept touching her face, and kept fidgeting with her fingers. Fiona wanted to comfort her, but it really wasn't her place, the only love that she has ever experienced was unrequited, and "Fake," in the eyes of many. They decided to go outside and smoke. Teresa couldn't get it to light, she was still so fidgety, she couldn't even perform this easy task she had done every day since she was 15.

 

            "If you knew how much I wanted to slap you right now, then you would let me, you should be in euphoria right now, why can't you let yourself be happy? Fiona screeched.

            "Because it doesn't make any sense to me, in moments when I think I am, I'm not sure if that's happiness in the eyes of others."

 

            They went in front of the Hotel and watched a hoard of people enter, all were either smiling, or distracted by other, more relevant things to their life. Teresa saw her brother walking, she called to him.

 

            "Mark, Mark!" She said

             "Teresa? Shouldn't you be getting ready? You look, well awful."

            "Your sister is really messed up today, Mark." Fiona said intrusively.

            "How? Do you realize how happy everyone is? Mark Said

            "Because I'm confused, you should realize that by now."

            "The best piece of advice I can give you, it make up your mind as soon as possible.

            "Oh, great advice, like all the advice you give me, Mark."

            "Fine, good luck figuring this out on your own."

 

            Fiona went back to the dressing room because she had to look pretty too.

Teresa now stood there, in complete isolation. She was still everywhere at once, she was at her wedding, in pre-school, and in a rocking chair with Chris, 60 years from now. Everything in her life is contingent upon this day, or at least from her perspective.

 

            She thought back to the moment they fell in love. It was perfectly... mundane, it wasn't a spark, a shock,  or anything other than words "I Love You." Which is of course more than just words, even if it's not true, the words still mean a lot. You don't understand human love until you discover amorous love. Once the words are uttered with some sort of intent, it opens up a vast array of doors for knowledge. That night to her was just that, a day in which very important words were said by her. She meant it, but she started to have occasional doubts of the love after saying it.

 

           

            In the other room, there was Chris. Pondering his love, looking into the most strict details trying to uncover the trivial knowledge that only a young man is foolish enough to try and discover. He needed  to write poetry about her, he didn't want to, he felt it was the only way to express the feelings he truly had. The one issue was that Teresa knew this, and constantly wondered if the love was true. He was so positive it was true, Teresa just had a hard time buying into the sappy love he proclaimed. He was extremely different from his fiancé, his issues could be solved swiftly and effectively without using others to rant to.

 

            His oldest brother walked in. Clean shaven, fit, handsome, and single, which was all that mattered to him, evidently.

 

            "Hello Chris, I bet this must feel amazing." He said quickly

            "It does, but I am too in awe of the moment to feel great, that comes for later, you ever feel that way, Rick?" Said Chris, with a huge smile.

            "No, I can't say I have." He said while looking away from his brother.

            "Oh you will someday, I don't understand why you haven't found anyone yet, what's up, man? He said laughing.

            " I don't know, what is up? He said

            " Well if you ask me, it's that you don't have nearly enough patience to have someone to love you. You expect everything to happen too quickly, and when you don't you just get angry, you've been that way since we were just kids. Just calm down a little bit, and some girl will fall for you in no time."  Chris said supportively.

            "Thanks, Chris, I feel so much better."

            "No problem, now get out there, best man!"

 

            Rick left the room laughing hysterically, thinking to himself "How is he so dumb?" He, as always, kept wondering how Teresa could love Chris, he has so little to offer. He almost pitied his brother, despite being incredibly envious of what he had. He imagined Teresa, and her pure elegance, proclaiming love for his pathetic brother. His translucent smile transformed into a serious grimace, one that did not fit a proud brother. 

 

            Fiona was conversing in the lobby. Nothing too serious, just talking to anyone to let this day move forward, since she knew that Teresa would eventually succumb to her love for Chris. She was just bored. She noticed Mark doing his irritating, pacing routine that he has been doing since grade school. Poor Mark, she thought, he just hasn't been the same since the prom.

 

            "Mark, what are you doing?" Fiona said, half wanting to point out that he looked ridiculous.

            "Oh, I don't know, I'm just waiting for some people to come talk to me, then you came." He smiled.

            "Yeah, I did, but I'm. not always going to be here to talk to you, you haven't even dated since, you know." She said back.

            " It's because I know that my parents won't approve, I have no god damned idea how Teresa has dealt with it this long. I'm just gonna wait until they're out of my life."    "Mark, that won't happen for a long time, why don't tell me why you really refuse to date anyone, Mark?" She said lacking an inquisitive look

            "Don't be that arrogant, or narcissistic, or whatever it is that makes you feel that way." He said back.

            "You're actually bright, Mark, why don't you let it shine instead of hiding it underneath this hopeless self loathing?" She loudly said back.

            "Because I only want one person in the world to think I am." He said.

            "And she does, but she has to constantly remind herself of it, and it is f*****g annoying. If you actually tried, everyone you know will think you're very smart, just stop this stupid s**t!" She said, finally shouting.

            "Why don't you just tell me why you don't love me anymore?"

            "It's not your fault, I just came to a realization after prom."

            "And what's that?"

            "Oh god, do you really want to bring this up at your sisters f*****g wedding?" She said, overtly self conscious about saying it.

            "Yes! Yes I do, Fiona. The past decade I've tried doing everything in the world I could to make you answer this simple question. Just tell me, I will learn from my mistakes, just tell me so I can be set free, Fiona, Let me out of your arms, don't just forcibly push me away, because that doesn't work!"

 

            People started peeking in on their conversation, uncontrollably, like a gravitational pull.  Fiona started blushing. She stared at him, his flimsy body, his messed up hair and constant shaking that just made her want to cry. She stared into his eyes, the eyes that used to be oceans to a world of pure fantasia, a world of thousands of questions. Now they were just, blue eyes, nothing incredible, nothing enthralling, they just stare back, being what they are.

 

            "Mark, I too understand unrequited love" She gently said.

            "Oh yeah, do go on, whose the lucky guy that you were, or are heads over heels for?" He said

            "It's not a man."

            "What?" He asked.

            "Mark, I never told you because I didn't anyone, except for your sister to know, and she does, and we have both learned to deal with it."

            "You mean?"

            "Yes."

 

            The conversation turned just ended, like a light turning off, and after 5 minutes of agonizing awkwardness, Fiona just walked away. She was intending to go to Teresa's room, and see the "Dramatic Update," but something inside her made her stop. Something was askew, she looked around trying to find out what it was. Her brown eyes darted back and forth like a tennis ball, something was up.

 

            It felt like a recursive dream, eerily ordinary. Her attention drifted to Mark, she imagined him crying out her name. She thought back to the love they once had, and how she treated the love like it was nothing. Nothing kept happening. She finally decided to open up to the fright. "Mark, is that you?"  Nothing and no one was around, she just walked forward trying to get to Teresa's room. fore getting there she finally found someone, Rick.

 

            "Oh, hey there Rick, how are you?" They didn't know each other well.

            "Well I feel great on this joyous day where my brother finally gets what he deserves." He said smiling

            "Hmm, you sound just like Teresa, but the only difference is you're not getting married." She said back, with condescension.

            "Yeah, I know."

            "Uh, Yeah, are you feeling ok?"

            "I'm fine, wait, what did you mean, about me sounding like Teresa?" He said.

            "Oh, you know her, always worrying, nothings wrong though she'll come through."

            "Is she going to bail?"

            "What did I just say?"

            "Okay, okay"

            "You sure that you're okay? She said, really starting to ponder what was overtly wrong.

            "Yes, I'm perfectly fine, stop asking."

            "Okay, man, whatever." She said neglectfully.

            "Bye" He said.

            "Bye"

 

                       

            Fiona always seemed to be highly intuitive, except for when it mattered. After another those two awkward conversations, she didn't know if she wanted go see Teresa, who was no doubt drowning in a pathological need to be miserable. She knew she had to go anyway, no matter what action she can take, her love for Teresa will always be unrequited, she might as well help her be happy. She opened the door.

 

 

            Teresa was there, finally, after all this time, there was a sense of calmness in there. However, there were still the brooding thoughts plaguing her mind. The wedding was in just an hour, and she still had not made up her mind. Her empty reflection still glared back at her, she hoped that her reflection would speak. Speak sagacious words that could free her from this. The future seemed just so bleak, but it was the only future she could imagine having. The sun was high, the wedding was beginning to start, and she couldn't for the life of her make the euphoria of all the people in the church, abruptly end.     She saw Fiona.

 

            "Fiona, I think I'm going to be okay." She said smiling.

             "Finally, you know that any  big decision you make in your life will lead to doubts, confusion, and hopefully not, remorse."

            "I know that, the goal is to pick the option with the least amount of those three, huh?

            "Yes, now get your self out there and get hitched, if you have that much doubts in the future, leave the son of a b***h, and fine someone better for you. But I assure you, this guy is the best guy for you."

            "We can only hope, Fiona."

           

           

            They both felt a profound pride in one another. True pride is attained only in discrete, and rare, circumstances. It's a feeling like no other. Fiona was proud of her best friend, but also jealous, she ignored the jealousy with true amorous  love. Teresa honored this, just like all of the tough love that she so desperately needed since they were kids.

 

            A little while later, Mark was looking for Fiona. The conversation they had kept reverberating in his head, he became fixated on everything around them, not her "cruel words." He imagined the eyes staring at him, in mockery. He thought that everyone around is still speaking about it, he loathed Fiona. Or as much as you can when you love someone.

 

            On his way he bumped into Rick.

            "Hey Rick." He said, they always got along.

            "Hey, you look nervous, is everything okay?" Rick said back.

            "Yeah, man, everything is fine."

            "But?" Rick said daringly.

            "Ehh, well if you must know, Fiona and I used to go out, and I still have feelings for her, but she just told me something threw me off this planet."
            "Oh, I completely understand, just get over it, man, everything will be ok, jealousy gets you nowhere." He smiled

            "Why are you telling me this?" Mark said incredulously

            "Because I completely understand your problems man, I always liked you, you're my favorite on Teresa's side of the family." He stepped closer to Mark

            "Uh, yeah, thanks, Rick. I'll, uh, see you later, man." He said, apprehensively.

           

            Mark, again went to look for Fiona. He needed to find her, and scream at her ,w that they were not in public.

            Mark, again went to look for Fiona. He needed to find her, and give her "A peace of his mind," now that no one was around to glare at Mark, and judge him, just like when he held his tongue after she dumped him. This time, no one would be around, and years of resentment would come out of him. He saw her, and her beauty, the same beauty that constantly haunts him every night. She was in the door, talking to Teresa.

 

            Just before Mark reached her, he stopped. He heard the words being spoken, and was awe-struck. He heard Fiona's words of unselfish, unadulterated, love. He thought about how strong Fiona must be, to let the one she loves go, even bolstering a future without her. His anger became invisible in the face of love.  His face became pale, and lifeless. He hadn't moved on, he was still immersed in his anger, he couldn't just let go, not yet. But in this instant of his life, he felt a alleviation of pain, the same pain that had crippled him for years. He went back to the pre-wedding, melancholy.

           

            Rick went away the same time Mark did. He sauntered away like a drunkard, trying to find his car, aimlessly. He went back to his brother's room. He stared at him, before speaking, sucking in the air that was encompassing his brother. A room of love had become a room contempt. Chris was oblivious in his fixation, a key tactic in denial. A gunfight could be going on and he wouldn't even know. Love has a way of turning smart people into idiots, or at the very least separated from  all humanity, and with that anyone who may think they're intelligent. Rick was not just envious of the love, he was just so petty that he was jealous of all the things that came with it. He lusted for the ability to love.

 

 

            "It's almost time." Rick said, pretending to stare at his watch.

            "I know. " He said unemotionally

           

            Still trying to repress his anger. He continued to stare at Chris, but now Chris was finally aware of it. Chris stared back, imagining his brother would just disappear. He wanted to be alone with his love, and evade the brooding feeling that his brother brought in.

 

            "You don't deserve her." Rick said.

            "You don't deserve anyone, evidently" Chris said back, and stood up.

            "I deserve to be happy, I've done nothing wrong, why do you get the woman of your dreams, and I get no one?" He screamed. "You deserve to be alone, you b*****d!"

            "How can you be so selfish? You've been jealous since day one!" He shouted back.

            "You would be too." Rick said back.

            "Maybe when I was 13, but not a full grown man, grow up and get out of my room."

 

            Chris pushed his brother out and locked the door. Chris's ability to pander in denial was quite admirable. Always knowing how to ignore a terrible truth   He sat back down, and fell back in his seat, thinking about the love he was filled with. Absolutely in love with love.  He never had the audacity to try and help his brother throughout their lives, any attempt would be futile. Why should I help anyone so in love with himself? He thought. The one piece of advice he could give that was at all viable, was that it's far better to be in love then to be in a relationship with yourself, and constantly get cheated on. Rick, undoubtedly ignored this, many years ago. After about 10 minutes, he went in front of the crowd, smiled and prepared to be intertwined forever. As he waited there he realized that neither Mark, nor his brother were there.

 

            In the hallway, immediately adjacent to where the wedding was supposed to take place, was Mark and Rick.

 

            " Rick, what is wrong with you? Stop following me, you're f*****g weir-ding me out. Mark said.

            "Come on, I just want to talk." Rick walked closer to Mark. Rick kept rubbing his arm, as if there was an unscratchable itch.

            "You know, happiness is always there, always. Some people, like us, just need to break the rules." Rick said, "

            "Oh really? I thought I knew you, huh, ironic huh? Mark said back.

            "Come on, Mark, you're smart. You can get what you want if you trust me."

            "I know I am." Mark said, proudly "And I'm going nowhere near you."

            "Oh?"

            "Teresa told me about your pathetic life years ago, I never believed it, but now I see it, you're not just pathetic, and selfish, but you're a coward." He smiled.  

            "Bravo, Mark, you finally grew a pair, but you're still naive. You may think that this day gave you some sort of revelation, but you're never getting over this, I know you, you're too weak."

 

            Mark inhaled, but made no notion, not even a whimper. Lost in his tracks, just as he was before with Fiona. He looked at the arrogant, confident, yet pathetic look on the face of Rick. He reminisced Fiona's love, pouring down on him, the aura, the smell, the gratification. He knew he would not get over it, but he would never let anyone know, anymore.

 

            "I'm not going to turn this day into the blood bath you want it to be." Mark Said.

            "My god, Mark, you truly are smart, how did you pick that up?" He retorted.

           

            Mark, frivolously went to grab Rick, who batted him down. He didn't want to hurt Mark, or anyone in the world, besides people that hurt his ego. Rick could tell that Mark was already quite tipsy; so he made a plan to get Mark out of his way.....

           

            The two best friends were walking parallel. The thoughts that plagued Teresa's mind were still there, but just in a more optimistic light. She thought for the future, but instead of resenting it, she longed for it, or at least in that moment. She wanted to run to Chris and kiss him, she longed for what she previously was afraid of. Fiona remained ambivalent, but she also maintained the true love she possessed. Just before they got too close to people, Fiona ran forward to Teresa's arms, and kissed her right on the lips." All I need, friend." Said a happy Fiona. Teresa kept trying to hold back a smile, in vain.

           

 

            The groom was feeling a incredible rush, still Rick and Mark were nowhere to be found. He wanted to just walk out and look, but the goading eyes made him stay in his spot, completely mum, but panicking on the inside. He so desperately wanted to tell someone, but when the Justice of the peace asked if he was alright, he responded with "yes." He didn't want to cause a hindrance, on the day of his own wedding. He didn't care, all he wanted was to be wed, he didn't care who got hurt. As always, he began to ponder his love, looking into it far too meticulously, as always. He kept imagining his beautiful Teresa walk down the aisle, completely immaculate, like a warm day in December. The people in the crowd were just ants, miniscule creatures in comparison to his love which encompassed all of existence.

 

            There were people everywhere, it was a hotel, after all. Rick was waiting, as if waiting for the zenith of life. He stayed patient, he wanted everything to go precisely to plan. When they were boys, he was always the better one. Stronger, smarter, even innately better looking, and that still is true, but he wasn't perfect, and that wasn't enough. He wanted Teresa, just so Chris didn't have him, because Rick deserved greatness.

 

            The  women were approaching.

 

            "Rick?" Said Teresa. "Why are you out here, you should be in there, it's about to start." Rick felt like laughing at Teresa's obliviousness in the situation.

 

            Rick didn't even respond, he just looked, well awkward. Like he was in a world of his own. He avoided eye contact, and then walked in the door. Fiona told Teresa to not worry about it, it's nothing. They walked in. Teresa's mind was filled with contradiction, the good and bad about Rick. She couldn't believe that here, moments before she becomes one with Chris, she couldn't stop thinking about Rick. What if she was meant to be with him? What if, once again, she just tried to find an easy answer.

 

            She goes up, stares into the blue eyes of Chris, trying to find a source of jubilance.  It's there, but hidden behind clouds, the joy tries to seep through. What if? What can I do? Is this at all real? Do I love Chris?!?! She looks out at Rick, could he be the one? Could the only reason why she stayed Chris be that he brought her closer to Rick? She was that confused, and neurotic. She turns back to Chris, he looks so happy, and that feeling she bestowed upon him makes her feel  happy as well. She returns the favor.

 

            Rick stood up, letting the people's attention in, he was stealing the show. "I'm happy for you, Chris!" he shouted. Vendetta was no longer needed, all Rick wanted was to belittle his little brother. Chris, became red, and hid his face as Rick continued to passive aggressively mock him. Teresa actually started to chuckle a little bit, and so did Fiona.

 

            Rick noticed it. He didn't understand, why was this a joke? Teresa should be crying like she deserved, the little b***h. In his futile attempt to get revenge, he just lowered himself, everyone was laughing at him not what he was trying to accomplish.

He stood up, and tried to escape the room, just before he did, Mark opened the door. Completely wasted, Mark sucker punched him right in the face. "Down, you b*****d!"

Rick just stopped moving, so completely embarrassed. He stumbled to his feet and ran out of the room.

 

            Chris, joined in the laughter, he and everyone in the room, including their parents. The wedding went on, Teresa stared Chris in the eyes, and they knew that this was the best day of their lives. Which is all they both wanted.