Chapter 4 Preface

Okay, so bullshit! Bullshit with a capital shitfest.

 

Some movie stole my f*****g twilight rip-off, they even stole my Lady Gaga joke (by the way, that’s supposed to be a link, but I don’t know how links work (magic?) and I’m pretty sure you can’t have links in books (but how the f**k would I know? What am I, a f*****g merlin?) so if you see an underlined word, that’s a link. It probably won’t link to anything unless I learn how to gandalf that s**t up, so just Google the word).

 

So basically they stole my entire idea and made a movie. I’m positive that the entire legal system will be on my side when I take them to bullshit court over this bullshit. I don’t even want money (I’m lying), I just want them to admit it was my idea first so people don’t think I stole their bullshit Lady Gaga joke.

 

AND now I can’t write about vampires and pale freaky sex anymore or else I will be copying them so I have to write about f*****g pirates again, who I now hate because I found out they are basically Romanians.

 

Hairy Bovine fecal matter!

 

-

 

So it’s been a couple of days now and I’ve decided I can save this project. I just need to up my game and write a book so classy that people forget all about movies. I have to fight fire with fire, and I have to fight books with other books.

 

I bought a book is what I’m saying. It’s about how to write good.

 

I’m going to introduce a motif to my story now. According to my new book, which I’m totally reading, a motif is just something you mention over and over again.

 

I’m not sure why you would do that, but my friend said it was like in that movie the sixth sense, where the motif was ghosts or something. So that sounds easy, I’ll just use that one.

 

So whenever I mention ghosts, that’s good literaturing.