Priming

"What makes you cry?"

Asked the virgin, whiskey on her breath.

I whispered, 'Loneliness when I am not alone,

When I am balled into myself

Wishing for the density of concrete

And the vast desert sands.'

The virgin scratched at a sore.

"And what is beauty?"

'Still sails,' I sighed. 'The impersonal sea

Splashing water on my too hot skin.

Do you see now?

Seek me in the doldrums.'

My best years were lived in a drop of rain

As it fell to the earth.

"Will you kiss me?" yawned the virgin,

Priming the well pump

To fill the pot of a small girl with dusty feet.

The flow sputtered, like a senile water clock

Leaking away the uncelebrated years of my life.

The child danced at the sight of her reflection.

'Tomorrow I will kiss you,

When the wind blows in from the shore

And the day smells salty.

Tomorrow is the day for kissing,

When there is wind enough to fill my sails

And time enough to cry'.

Reviews

[Perdition]

I see you walking in reflection, the question of the sky you pluck from the past in sad moments, lustful wisdom. Grounded without shoes along the cool bank, finding the way back to where you started. What lies out and what lies in is calling you, along with what was never your cup of tea and never will be, perhaps lost and gained in the hourglass. This feels a time to reflect and let the little girl fill the woman, a sip of salt, a trusty breeze to fill the sail...a meaningful kiss from within. Tomorrow is that place we all go when we've abandoned today ...you fell from a droplet and made a sea for your eyes. Nothing is worse than being alone, surrounded by familiar rooms. I hope you swim in hours across the miles of wide, deep voices of that River Mississippi that awaits you. A sad and hopeful lovely write!

[Joli Dy]

I can almost feel you leaning forward. Uncanny. Meet me in tomorrow. For now, I am after the gadfly.

[light and ashes]

"My best years were lived in a drop of rain
As it fell to the earth."


The rest of it, I didn't really know what to make of,
but this line, stood out to me, and I thought it was great.

[Joli Dy]

Please feel free to offer constructive criticism to help me strengthen my work.

[Davidgeo]

'loneliness when I am not alone', that's good writing. People are not good at picking partners, it is common to find a person 'together' with someone who makes them feel alone as themselves. I think most people who read this (past a certain age) will identify with that concept.

Makes me think of a song called Lonesome by Unwritten Law.

"you were never there for me, so I'm goin' out to sea"

[Joli Dy]

Thank you. It truly is the worst kind of loneliness.

[Soren]

Truly beautiful the words and the sentiment they are well conveyed in this poem. It is simply lovely and most poetic. There are many good lines in this poem. They provoke a sense of empathy for children and the poor. I truly love this poem.

[Joli Dy]

Thank you for sharing your response to the piece. I find it very helpful!