Obscurity Falls in from the Walls

The smell of cheap whisky perfumed her lips as she placed them on his forehead. Jonathan waited silently trying to remember if anyone of his six years alive had been different to this. His mother went through the normal bedtime routine of the 'kiss goodnight' adding 'No getting out of bed', 'No turning the light on' and 'No more screaming and crying'. As she went on his heart wanted to stop. Every hint of alcohol made him feel woozy and he yearned to pull away from his mother. Yet he needed her and never wanted to hurt her feelings. As much as Jonathan wanted his mother to leave him alone, he also wanted her protection. His stomach began to churn as the darkness beckoned. His mother was a hard woman yet he felt love from her. He knew she had never found anyone that would replace his father but kept searching everyday. Jonathan believed one day his mother would find that person that would change their lives forever. He was forced out of his reverie as he realised she was going again and there was nothing he could do. Whispering 'Goodnight', he felt his teeth chatter feeling the temperature of the room chill as the bedroom door closed. The turn of the key screwed into his head and was locked once more. Jonathan lay on the white sheets that still retained a semblance of colour and waited for the blackness to settle over him.

The curtains moved in the contours of the cool night air. A small window left ajar gave opportunity for the darkened world to enter the bedroom. There was no escape for the boy as the spirits filled themselves in around him. Distorted limbs began to fill his vision. The room had changed from a humble bedroom of childs play into a vortex of disruption. Four walls closed around him leaving him feeling the sweat of fright. As Jonathan's mouth opened to scream, he felt his jaws pressed shut so hard that a metallic taste of blood hit the back of his throat. Eyeballs were pulled from their sockets and taken once more into that world of horror constantly filling his night time. His life had just begun, he was only a child and already he had seen unimaginable horror. Jonathan waited for everything to end, hoping soon that he would rest in peace. All the time, as the clock ticked furiously next to his bed, words of his mother echoed through his head:

'Never be afraid of things that go bump in the night'.

From the first breath he had ever taken, there had been unspeakable things that no longer just 'bumped'. Although memories were hazy, demons filled his mind. Now they suffocated with big hands unseen, leaving bruises unexplained. The social services had visited after he was seen at playschool. Suddenly he found himself taken away, removed from friends that he hoped would save him. Now his life was concentrated in this room where midnight changed one day from the next but never made his life any different. His mother would allow him outside for a few hours a day, make him wash, allow him to use the toilet and breath fresh air but then she would hide him away again. Jonathan cried and was frightened becoming increasingly disturbed. By whom or by what, he had not yet found out although the mysterious incantations he heard from his mother�s room made him very aware that chaos was near. He knew she wanted him in this room for his own protection. Jonathan believed she was doing what she had thought best for him.

Also Jonathan knew that the gossip from the neighbours was wrong. No-one knew what was happening. Everyone speculated mindlessly about the strange goings on and the harm being inflicted on the child. There was a belief that his mother beat him during drunken frenzies or that there were attacks happening on him from one of the many men who arrived at the house, seemingly uninvited at strange hours of the night. Jonathan had never been touched by them though, only heard the frenzied activity through the moans and groans. These men were social misfits with some sort of addiction or criminal record. They were invited inside for a reason, thinking to themselves of the opportunity to fulfill their bestial urges. Jonathan knew these men could never harm him, would never touch him or anyone else after their visit to the house. He shuddered at the thought of mother�s room, the room he had been told to never enter.

Despite being so young, he knew about the sadistic orgies that went on and the false display of affection-filled love. The visions that were brought to him through the darkness revealed the red blood candles dripping, burning through flesh, his mothers smile as the men screamed in a bizarre mixture of lust and pain. She was in control and he saw her look of disgust as they failed in their bids to please her. The men left one after the other having given their souls to her. Some were no longer able to live, being found in cases of suicide soon after the visit. Others became zombies of the undead forever trapped by her eyes upon them. There was so much more that Jonathan wanted to know. As time progressed, the pictures he saw in the night became more vivid. He began to feel and distinguish between the voices, yet he could not make out what they were saying. Jonathan had not yet heard the words or seen the pictures that would reveal the curse inflicted upon his mother and now passed onto him.

Author's Note

Please review as honestly as possible. We are looking for positive reaction to determine how we continue with the project. Constructive criticism is welcome. We are aware of certain points that have been missed in writing so far - the descriptions and colours etc as the story is only a sketch for WC.

Reviews

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The mother character has been potrayed and set in concrete as a 'caring understanding nice type!' And the poor kid is very obviously a victim. There is a problem in that you have the boy being attacked in the night by the different 'clients' of his mother, yet he can't identify them even though he can identify their voices...this kind of makes sense, but I would consider revising that a little to clear it up. Gripping! Totally gripping...
I'm in...next chapter please? Is this a novel in progress???
Cheers and keep up the pace...
Helen :-)

[Jd Young]

The story is very vividly set up, very well done you tow. Sorry it took me so long for a review, but I couldn't quite let my fingers type what I wanted to say. This story very terrifyingly remind some of some of the happenings during my childhood. I know it might be a story you bot have just created, but it resembles a part of my childhood so closely that I shudder at the thought of thinking how scared Jonathan is. Somehow, the way you convey his pain is so natural and normal. Forget the grammatical errors, and mechanics, there really wasn't much of that. This story has me hooked and if I don't see another chapter soon, I'm gonna be messaging you guys lol.

Jonathan's life is disturbing on many levels, especially with the bruises that he doesn't seem to understand. Make that a bit more clear unless its going to be used as a plot device, if that's the case then everything is all clear. I can only imagine what horrors await Jonathan and the nightmares that haunt him from night to night, but I can only hope he can find some salvation.

[TL Boehm]

wow. my heart just falls out of my chest for the child.

[poddar kushal]

it is good. the characters are depicted so nutrally. you have decided not to impose your opinion on us but to resort to the naration to do the trick.

[Phil Sanders]

Incredibly powerful and a very strong subject ....well presented and extremely well written ... fascinating write ...

[R J Askew]

Well I don't know if this will be any help, but up at the top I found myself thinking intenesely about my own mother and how she used to tuck me in when I was six and dreamed about lions and ants at the end of my bed... and years later make me bacon sandwiches on a Friday morning when I was unemployed... and prawn sandwiches when I came home drunk at night. I fear the first graph derailed me totally and after that I was so taken with my own recollections that I couldn't get into the horror. Though before I got distracted by personal recollections I was taken with the title. Looking again I can see how a kid would be disturbed beyond belief if there were sado-masochistic activities going on in the house. The very last sentence is promising in that there is clearly something abnormal afoot! I would definitely read more now that I am refocused on the theme. But I was glad to be taken back to my childhood... childhood... childhood...

[Lorraine Pearson]

This write is quite engaging. You have mystery, sadism, and twisted love all coming from a victimized child's perspective. Already I want for him to escape. If no one is touching him, then where are the bruises on his body coming from? Its a great beginning.
~Lorraiyne

[Bubo]

This is a great introduction to two characters, already made strong by your descriptions.........intense and gripping.
We are left wanting more, what curse, and I can't wait to see how this develops.
I would suggest breaking the lines abit more, apart from that it was great.

[Nikki]

wow this is very discriptive and not at all boring i love the details and now im wanting more ^^ i love when something hooks me like this. if there is another one could you please send me a read request? so i can remember to do so, i usually never pay attention to my profiles ramblings. This is an amazing peice and im quite impressed. wonderful work you two.

all the love and such,
Nikki

[Fantasyfairy]

I like this. As you say it is a work in progress. The descriptions are a little vague, but you know that already. The writing is very well done, though I would suggest breaking it up a little more. The story line is enough to keep the reader invovled and make them want to read more, and that, after all, is the idea of a good story. XX

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

I found this piece, well written, it posses just enough questions to keep the reader going and wanting more. The pace and flow are just right, I want to know what sort of Soul Stealer his mother is and what is the curse he has inherated. Keep more coming!