Rule Breaker: Chapter 1

The rain came down fast and cold , to the point where I was shivering still beneath my OD green trench coat that was now dark from the abuse the storm that fallen upon the city. " Well f**k this rain, and this cold, and this alley". I said to no one in particular, As I make my way down the alley i notice that it looks like any other alley dark poorly lit. and trash that had been pushed deeper and deeper from where the garbage men had just decided to not clean it fully up. I make it about half way down the alley when i see a garbage bin, slanted to where in makes its own corner on the back side of the trash bin. Thats when i notice the pale arm slowly being dragged out of sight. "Well thats not creepy".I whisper to myself, nothing like talking to yourself to make a creepy situation alittle comical even though seeing a arm being dragged behind a dumpster would make most people want to s**t their pants. I slowly creep toward the corner and see the carnage that was behind the dumpster. He could'nt have been old enough to drink. That being said im not much older but I still can enjoy a nice brew now and then. More now then later... What was left of the young man was being consumed by a blonde teenage girl. Not really what you would depict as a blood sucking monster. Pink blouse and white pants, or thats the colors i took them to beseeing as they were covered in gore from the young mans insides. I gulp and gather my strength " HALT!" i shout, "By order of the accords, I the blance keeper find you one. Of the nightwalkers guilty of the first law< which is not to take an innocents life". " your punishment is death. Before i can even finish my cool authoritve tone she rushes me. She grabs my coat and throws me down the alley way. I Slam against the wall and loose my breath. Tearing my left sleeve in the process exposing my tattoo. The vampire wasting no time rushes towards me. "  I guess its the wolf". think to myself, tearing the rest of my sleeve off. i extend my hand transforming it just as the female vampire goes for the finishing blow but she stops short just a breath away from my neck." I hope you find peace and are free from the bloodlust". I whisper to her while I remove my hand from her  chest along with her heart. I look up from the alley toward the sky letting the rain wash the moment away...

Reviews

[Poopewpachoo]

This could very well serve as a prologue. It was a nice way to grab someone's attention (although it all happened a bit too fast).

I'm a sucker for tattoos being a part of some sort of ability, so I hope that's where this is going because his arm certainly intrigues me and is the reason why I'll check out chapter 2.

The only major problem I came across is how bunched up everything is. Try separating this into smaller paragraphs. It was very difficult to read as I didn't know where one sentence began and another ended.

Other than that, it's a pretty great start. Nice job!

[John B]

thank you when I first wrote this I was just trying to get words onto the screen reading it again I see what you mean. Lol yes the tattoos are part of his ability's and I did think it was to short to I think I will go ahead and make it the prologue. thank you!

[Poopewpachoo]

It was my absolute pleasure.