Some Birds Aren't Meant To Be Caged

A Chapter by John Murray

R.I.P. Leslie Dunagan

“I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.”

It’s been six years since you passed away, and with every year the hurt gets a little bit more bearable. But what I think is starting to bother me more is the “new generation” of band kids that never knew you. And sadly, will never have that opportunity. It’s kind of a shame that at most they will only know –of- you. Won’t feel the pain when Red recites the monologue or shed tears when “And The Angels Sang” plays. People say I have a way with words, but this is easily the hardest thing I’ve ever written. Simply because I still miss you and time can’t heal these wounds quick enough.

We had just performed at half time – fall break officially for the band kids. Everybody in the band room putting things away. I’m not sure what sparked it but we were arguing over the people I sat with at lunch. Sensitive freshmen feelings and the immature people I shared lunch with created the situation. You contended that I had everything to do with it. I tried to calm you down – a task that I failed miserably. The last thing you said to me before you walked out that door and it slammed behind you: “I hate you.” Those were the last words you ever said to me, and the words that may haunt me for the rest of my days.

I saw your mother at the funeral and she reassured me that you hadn’t meant what you said. That your temper had gotten the best of you. Yes, the words were comforting but it didn’t change the fact that you left on bad terms with me. I was going to apologize to you whenever we returned from break. But I never got the chance. I have to live with that on my conscious.

Last year I got a ribbon tattooed on my left shoulder in memory of you. It serves a dual purpose: it being in remembrance of you and also as a reminder that we don’t always have tomorrow to mend problems. I’m hoping to add the Shawshank Redemption quote on the other shoulder sometime soon. You were a bird that didn’t deserve to be caged, but I also echo Red’s sentiments when he said “I guess I just miss my friend.”

You may be gone, but you certainly aren’t forgotten

An Inspiration
Classmate
Friend
Bandmate

10/09/03