A Harmonic Journey For A Defiant Heart

A journey through music

“The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because it’s only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies, that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die, but things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on forever.”

The evolution of self is a phenomenal affair when viewed, or rather analyzed, after the fact. Regardless of whether the retrospection is of something you have written or done, the examination is well worth it. Comprehension of this development may seem trivial but ultimately I find the experience to be gratifying. To realize where you’ve been, but more significantly, how far you’ve come.

My descent into the musical world originated naively enough. Mr. Johnson had brought instruments so the interested sixth grade students could try them out. For a lot of us it was a way for us to escape the tedious work of the classroom-a temporary fix that resulted in much more, in my case anyways. Of the instruments we had the choice of playing on, I had favored the trombone. I was told that there was an instrument similar called a baritone. And so it began.

From the 20 or so students that went to check the different instruments, only four of us actually went through with being in band that year. The next year, I was the only one that had persisted. From eighth grade until my senior year I was enthralled with music, ranging from concert band to marching band and even a little dabble in indoor percussion. My only regret is that I didn’t start pressing myself sooner-that I didn’t challenge myself early enough. Nothing to do about it now, I suppose, except to try to rectify past problems in the ever occurring future. If one could really call it that because of it constantly becoming the present. A historical paradox of sorts, but I digress.

Spending the majority of my time in the band room during my high school years I gained a lot of things ranging from the friendships made to the knowledge of the passing of a band mate. Another thing that I picked up in that carpeted room was a love of drum corps, something that I definitely wouldn’t have expected. Whenever there was any down time it seemed like there was always a drum corps performance playing on the tv. I resented all the people that scurried to gather around, flocking like the screaming women who harassed the Beatles-praising every nuance, as if gods were on the football field. I couldn’t stand it and made an effect to avoid drum corps at any cost.

But there came a time when I decided to give it a shot and looked for videos on youtube. After a few minutes of scanning through different corps, I stumbled upon Regiment ’03 and that is when things changed. Complete enchantment from the beginning baton pull to the final wedge. From that moment on, I was a Phan-even if I don’t remember when it all started. Though, if I had to guess it was more than likely sometime in 2006… July 2006 I attended my first drum corps show live, it was also my first chance to see Regiment. “Faust” gave me cold chills the whole time, with Ave Maria easily stealing my heart. From then on, drum corps was all that my world revolved around. I had become on of the fan boys.

As things progressed, I decided to audition for Phantom Regiment during the Thanksgiving weekend of 2006. I furiously worked on the audition music, taking every break I had to go over it. As the audition camp crept closer, I was extremely confident with the music. I pretty much had it solid. I made the six hour trip up and was astounded by the sheer number of people. All fighting for a coveted spot in a white uniform. Everyone I had came into contact with was a potential enemy in my way to achieving a goal. My favorite part of the weekend was playing in the enormous hornline in the school’s three basketball court wide gym. There’s nothing quite like playing the powerful chords of Firebird with a three hundred-something member hornline-chilled to the core and an experience that I shall never forget.

The visual audition was just plain rough, as it was right after we had woken up. Grogginess was definitely a major factor in hindering me. I shortly learned that my endurance wasn’t as high as I had thought it to be. I seemed to be completely confused by the marching forward eight and back twelve, for the simple fact of I was used to doing eight and eight. Sometimes having something engraved in your brain can be a bad thing. I won’t even go into the musical aspect of the audition, as it was a total let down of everything I had worked on. It is the reason why I hate auditioning for anything because my nerves had gotten the best of me. Long story short, I made the worst rating you can get on both the visual and musical audition. Feeling of being completely incompetent – check.

On Sunday, I found my mother and she asked if I had made it. Confident that I could pull it off. I just said “Hell no” and broke into tears. The worst feeling in the world by far. For the past several months up to this moment I had bled white and black. All for it to come down to that. And the sad reality that I would have to answer the same exact question when I returned back to school. All that effort with no result. Just a sheet of paper telling me what I did wrong. Mocking me by silently telling me “Tough break. Better luck next time.”

I’m still a Phan through and through, and still debating auditioning again before I age out. Just not sure if I can handle the emotional strain if I have a repeat of 2006. Phantom Regiment will always have a spot In my musical collection and in my heart whether I march with a chevron on my uniform or not. All of this writing because of a recollection of a memory. Funny thing the mind is, especially when I can’t remember what I had to eat a week ago. Music lasts forever, I guess.

”When words fail, music speaks”