�Hell Is Yourself And The Only Redemption Is When A Person Puts Himself Aside To Feel Deeply For Another Person.�

Self-revelation is a powerful thing.

“Half of life is what you do. The other half is who you do it with.”

I never would have guessed that a simple line of dialogue would get me to think this much. Going to the movies was just a way for me to get out of the house, see a friend, and have a laugh or two. It wasn’t until I had left the theater and was doing the tedious task of driving home that my mind really grasped on it-rolling it around in my head. Taunting me with it the entire thirty minute trip.

I’ve lived two decades on earth…one-fifth of my life, if I’m lucky (which would be putting it generously.) This night was a culmination of sorts, the full brunt of my thoughts finally impacting me. I have made a reputation for myself as an a*****e-nothing more than a jerk that participates in sophomoric antics. I’ve gotten people to the point where they don’t think I give a s**t about anything. I hate people’s impression of me and I especially hate what I’ve become. I’m sarcastic to the point of seeming apathetic, and a lot of the time it’s hard to tell if my words have any sincerity behind them.

There is a scene in Any Given Sunday, that sums things up better than I ever could, where Al Pacino’s character Tony D’Amato says: I chased off anyone who’s ever loved me. And lately, I can’t even stand the face I see in the mirror.” Lately I’ve echoed that same sentiment many times and on this night, it has really hit home for me. I’ve treated many people in my life like s**t and generally acted with reckless abandon-not caring what the consequences were. Blame it on being young or what have you, but we all have to grow up at one point.

I think I’m slowly going to let that part of me die away. There are no false illusions of it being an over-night thing. That would simply be ignorant on my part. The a*****e is going to just fade away, even if it shall be a long drawn out process. Because I need to quit stepping on everyone and throwing verbal jabs at those that I hold closest.

In closing, if I have treaded on you in the past, I owe you an apology, whether it was a one time thing or a frequent occurrence. Please make it known if I have wronged you, because I think every man (human being, not sexually limited) deserves a chance at redemption. Even if it takes more than the usual second chance.

I just don’t want to be the old man on the porch.

[Title comes from a Tennessee Williams quote]