Then what?

None of this is helping
fill the void.
I carry it like a grocery bag
without a counter
to place it on.
I douse it
in all available
enjoyment drinks.
Judging the taste
makes this a hobby.
Dunk it in the tank
Swallow it up
Snuff it out
I know about the futility.
And if this can't work
you must?
And if not you
then what?


Strap it to my back.
But
I want fulfillment.
That is the only you will find.