I get to differ on my collaboration partners review(the man below me)..
I really like this piece..
I actually can envision this as an almost spoken word...The message you render is one which lays close to my heart. Can I? Help, guide me, etc.. Again, I reiterate, love this piece.
It may be how you like it but I think it'll have a better flow if you changed it to : "Who lives, loves, laughs, and cries?" I don't know just thought it would sound better but this is one really good poem! Thanks for sharing:)
Wow. I say, W.O.W! I so love this piece. Simple words, short lines but it carries deep and sincere message. The impact of the "thought" is so strong that one could come up with self-realization. Really. I love this! Beautifully and wonderfully written, John. Kudos to you!
so deep.shows those controversies of life..walking among graves pretending to be alive..but you cannot do that becoz you are a poet.poets are sensitive to what othersare not.
This was a joy to read. Very well done. The last part was a tad awkward, and I had to read it a few times. Perhaps I would have split it into two four-liners to keep the beautiful rhythm already present. You also use many conjunctions to begin lines that, while normally I would not like, seem to work to make this one great, flowing thought.
Love this....
"Can you sleep in perfect peace,
in your house haunted with regret?
and Can you truly be that man,
Behind your silhouette?"
Very well written! Reminiscent of Oriah Mountain Dreamer's "The Invitation". A wonderful call for someone who has the understanding of how to live life, and the desire to teach others.
Can you sleep in perfect peace,
in your house haunted with regret?
and Can you truly be that man,
Behind your silhouette?
i saw this and was like :OOOOOOOOOOOOO.
exactly like that.
again, brilliant, I don't need to say anymore, you know the gist of what I want to say, except i think this is one of my favouirites of yours, there's really ncie imagery, so many questions asked. fab. dda iawn (Y)
Brilliant. I know this probably not what you were going for at all but this is potentially a fantastic slam poetry piece. Your message is an important one that I think people often forget. Thanks for sharing. :)
When the time is right and the student is ready... the teacher does appear. All one need do is ask.
I thought this was wonderfully done, John, and I understand the need to sometimes break the pattern for the last verse. Indeed, in this piece, I think the pattern breaking is almost purposefully doen to show the transition, to stand for other life patterns breaking, perhaps.