Memories

      Oh, the memories, the memories...

                That tree that he would climb,

                That playground where he'd play,

                That old swing out in the yard

                where he'd swing the days away.

                That creek where he would fish,

                And where he'd wish upon a dove.

                That long starry summer night,

                When he first fell in love.

 

The memories, the memories,

If you lend an open ear;

They'll whisper to you everything,

You ever need to hear.

                

                The time that his mom told him,

                Just to "be a simple man".

                He looked her in the eye and said,

                "I think, I think I can."

                

                That day that his mom bought him,

                His very first guitar,

                She looked him in the eye and said,

                "You will, you will go far."

 

The memories, the memories,

Hanging heavy in the air;

They fill each breath that forms the words,

These lips so proudly bear.

                

                Those nights he slept upon the ground,

                In his own fathers house.

                He never even voiced complaints,

                Just prayed that he'd get out.

 

                That time his step-mom beat him,

                And put hatred in his eyes.

                She said, "How can you sleep at night,

                And live to tell such lies?!?!"

                That time his daddy told him

                "You know I dont believe you."

                He screamed within his bleeding mind,

                "I have yet to deceive you!!!"

 

                That time he fin'lly ran away,

                And fin'lly found himself.

                And that time that he returned again,

                To once more burn in hell.

 

The memories, the memories,

Whisp'ring me my dreams;

They are the story of the boy,

Who grew up into me.

 

                That first time that he wrote a song,

                He put his soul to words!

                He asked, "Do I, Do I dare...,

                Disturb the universe?"

Author's Note

several allusions to other poems and songs
as most of my stuff has

this is the first draft... so tell me what you think
tell me what you like and dislike, what you would change and what you would never change

i have been trying to get this poem out of my system for weeks
and last night it just clicked


this is semi-autobiographical

Reviews

[a]

"The memories, the memories,
If you lend an open ear;
They'll whisper to you everything,
You ever need to hear." - heart-breaking, crystal-clear shot, a powerful, greatly rhymed eye-catcher.

The childhood, memories and the adult psyche, powerful sense of inner struggle. A sense a paranoia, the scenes are haunting him, deep frustration, and, yet the rays of light from that what's happened in past, the good things, are sewing through place to place, time to time. Ambivalent.

And a huge, remarkable question of "Dare I?", "Am I worth trying, seeing... living?", "Can I win this?"
Fantastic work!

Thank you very much!

[Marie Anzalone]

The repetition and alliteration make this into a fascinating instead of cloying read, and the tragedy of a robbed youth is more poignant because the protagonist survived. Your desire for both freedom and lost innocence is the sign of a mind and heart matured way before its time.

[Vanesa Markovic]

As if I wasn't already emotional tonight, haha.

This brought tears to my eyes, truly.
I love the way you have laid this out, every stanza.
It would evoke a response from the coldest heart.
Well done.

[deeps]

Wow! I am taken away from this wonderful write you have penned here.
I like this alot. I thought this was amazing and powerful.
AWESOME! write.

[Theresa]

I don't think you need to change a thing. It is heartfelt and honest and that is what makes it so great. I love how you arranged it, it kind of breaks it up for the reader into different parts and helps make it more powerful. "Oh, the memories, the memories...
That tree that he would climb,
That playground where he'd play,
That old swing out in the yard
where he'd swing the days away.
That creek where he would fish,
And where he'd wish upon a dove.
That long starry summer night,
When he first fell in love."
Love this it is great imagery and you feel as if you are watching him as a boy I especially love the last two lines. It is very well written and an enjoyable read. You are very talented especially for your age and I look forward to read more of your work. Thanks for sharing.

[Alicia™]

Whoaaa...

[C. Porter]

I love this!!!
I like how you go back to the memories in italics. It's a nice touch.
My favorite part is this:

That first time that he wrote a song,
He put his soul to words!
He asked, "Do I, Do I dare...,
Disturb the universe?"

I love how 'disturb the universe' isn't italicized, emphasizing it. The whole stanza is just beautiful.
And things I would change:
NOTHING. ;)

[WriterMe]

Oh wow. Now i can see why this is one of your favorite works. This was amazing. I like the repetitive touch to it. Your poem sings like a memorable song. It was very well written. Brilliant work =]

[Ellen Hammond]

This is amazing especially from one so young. I can picture this as a C & W song. Very well penned, it is a pleasure to read a poem of this caliber.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

I think it clicked well! I see a Skynryd song title, .. i like using a bit of other's stuff in poetry ..just makes it more human ..
I like the poem very much it seems you put alot of your heart and soul into it ..
I also like how you start the verses with ' The memories, the memories' and then tell about them .. I really enjoyed this .

Chloe