A New Beginning

the first thing I ever wrote

The sick feeling of hate, twisting in my stomach is all I could feel as I neared a hatred-filled explosion. My anger overwhelmed me as I spat word after word that sounded like fire spoken from flames tongue. My heart seamed to scream in protest along with every muscle in my body, my brain thinking at an increasing and alarming rate. Everyone seamed to agitate me, adding to my already increased stress level, as if they thought nothing of adding to my heavy load of angry thought.

My aching body seamed to beg for every second to end, for the pressure to be stopped in its tracks. A husk and angry voice and a soothing voice argued within me, shouting and singing every line of the words. I felt as if I had the worst pain ever experienced. I knew that it was soon to be over. Maybe if I were to give in then I would realize that I was possibly wrong, but I was far to stubborn for that. I was to scream and yell and curse every human that passed me in my disheveled anger. My immense confusion was decreasing at a slow pace and I was an electric wire, ready to shock anyone in an instant if I was touched or spoken to wrong.

Now the only muscles to be screaming was my angry facial expressions, my wrinkled forehead and my intense frown. My angry lips quivering had wanted to fight so they never had to fight again, and they intended on doing so. The went onward, causing intense word formations and angry, half-hearted smiles. My cracking mask of solitude and happiness was about to burst and I was loosing my grip on my sanity. Anything could set me over the edge. I was nearing the peak of anger.

My father s uncaring eye realized my intense expression, followed by the extreme lack of emotion to avoid the fearful question that he was soon to ask. Jay, how are you? I would lie if it did not cause my mask to crack further, and I was prepared with plaster and paint to eliminate all trace of an anger.

But what was this to her? My so called friend that caused my intense anger? She was happily continuing with her droning speech about my own feelings and what the best decision for my situation would be when she would be wrong in the end, as she always was. I was more knowledgeable than her in many instances, but would not show to her my true colors, my real ability and my full potential.

Did she not know the pain that she was causing me now? The one that I was sure to love at some point causing me this anger and expressionless statue to elude me precautions. I had been preparing for this moment. The moment that she was free from every hopeless human that attempted to enjoy her company the way I did, to love her unconditionally and see her for who she is. The men who tried failed dismally, and as she did not realize my full feelings for her I knew she would soon. Maybe not now but I was sure to be hers and hers mine.

I would not lose this time. I had spoken the final words that I was sure would cause her eminent defeat. The anger seamed to twist in my throat, looking for a way of expression. It had none. I had none. She did not care. She thought I was wrong. 

Author's Note

this is the first thing I wrote and it isn't as fine tuned as it could be...