Phoenix from the flames.......

A poem about my own personal struggle after I turned my world upside when I broke the heart of the girl I loved/love ,my family , friends by being dishonest. The lesson is being learned.

My first poem to be published.



I am a phoenix from the flames.
I'll use my angst, forget the blame.
I'll work so hard to turn it round.
To walk once more on solid ground.
The dark i'll turn into the light.
The pain i'll fight with all my might.
With lesson learned.
The Past i'll burn.
And prove my worth to you.

The love ive lost is teaching me.
To be honest openly.
The heartbreak i will slowly mend.
And one day I'll turn the bend.
I know am not a man so bad.
My heart is right I just went mad.
And lost my way a bit.

To face the judgement I must now.
To those on high I must bow.
Forgiveness now is what I seek.
I will be strong but also meek.
Then one day not far away.
I will live again.....
I will laugh again.....
I will love again......

Author's Note

***News Update on this poem.**
This poem is set to be published OCT2012 in the Miracle E zine and Magazine I also will have a short bio and interview along with it.Its my first piece of writing to be published.

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear John

Thank you for your recent review of one of my pieces.

Not just by way of return, but also by looking at your profile and then at the title of this poem, I noted the sense of regret at how at one point your life went wrong. As I identify with that so strongly, I wanted to review this poem.

First off many congratulations on your writing successes and in getting published. Having read this it surprises me little.

I have a tendency to review long, looking at the nuts and bolts of the writing but I always giver the writer at least from the perspective of one of their reviewers a notion of the impact the poem has had on me.

My review.

1) Structure, rhyme and rhythm: Three stanzas, the first of nine lines, the second of seven and the last of eight.

As for rhyme, you mostly do rhyming couplets, but at times you break the pattern if only because the stanzas have odd numbers rather than even. I like the way you rhyme here. It is very effective in my personal opinion and it adds eloquence to the writing.

In the rhythm of the poem, there is a an endearing melodic beat.

2) Punctuation: I personally like consistency here. Either fully punctuate or don't at all. You do the former, so it works for me.

3) Use of English / mode of self expression: You keep it simple. I feel it suits the meaning of the piece and your elegant structure.

4) Imagery / allusion / metaphor: There is only one that is key here, which is of course even the title of the poem 'Phoenix from the flames'.

It is a good marker to support the words in the poem.

I have a similar poem on here, which actually addresses the same notion even to the point of using an image at the top of the piece much like your own.

5) Meaning: The meaning at least generically is not difficult to find in the title and the words. The addition of the quote at the top of the poem makes the reader aware what its specific meaning is to you. I need not repeat your own words here.

6) Impact and favourite lines: This poem has had a huge impact on me - that in its generic rather than specific.

A poem or any piece of writing is actually an intimate conversation between the writer and one reader at a time, the one holding the book in their hands or viewing it on screen.

Whilst we may believe we have an audience, and of course we do in a way, but it is really down in the end to the life experience of the writer compared to the single reader that determines the extent of the impact.

I can only believe that in its generic, most readers will have a similar reaction to mine, but perhaps weaker or stronger depending on what they have lived in terms of mistakes made from which we all desire to recover.

In the specifics of my case, I was relatively successful in life until the age of 45 when I had a nervous breakdown.

But even beforehand I had challenges, which I had to live through, not the least my first divorce where it took me a year to 'rise above' though I am still marked by it to this.

Following the nervous breakdown, I was diagnosed as bipolar and lost so many things none of us could really ever imagine.

I wish to rise from the ashes every day, but still life holds me back, through continuing illness. Yet the appetite for healing change remains to this day.

Favourite lines. I have a major problem here when the poem I am addressing is as accomplished as yours, which is that if I am not careful I will simply quote back to the writer the whole poem.

Let me limit myself to two lifts that affect me most.

I'll work so hard to turn it round.
To walk once more on solid ground.
The dark i'll turn into the light.
The pain i'll fight with all my might.

The perfect recognition of the fault and the demand to get over it. The fighter. No victim. A survivor. The rhyming couplets emphasise your point.

The heartbreak i will slowly mend.
And one day I'll turn the bend.
I know am not a man so bad.
My heart is right I just went mad.

Again the demand to turn it round. More there is a sense of self-forgiveness, which I have yet to find. It is a win win for you in the end if you get there. My personal position is much harder for me to determine. But I know I need to get there in the end as do you.

7) Overview: An accomplished and moving poem. Bravo!

I hope you find this review helpful. It is the job of the reviewer to help and not hinder the writer.

With my warmest regards


James Hanna-Magill

[lee von cleef]

The trap of a human dream, be all we can, then top off a emotional tank,and our honest truth splits the trust where two were one, now alone with a center cut inside.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Indeed.......so true.

[JuniperPearl]

I have no criticism to give. This was moving and inspirational. We have all been there...done something wrong, really screwed something up, yet the rock solid resolve in this poem makes me sure that you will, or have already, turned things around. Well done.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Thanks JP this poem means a lot to me now more so.that when I wrote it.

[JuniperPearl]

You're very welcome!

[Larry Dyson]

"I am a phoenix from the flames.--I'll use my angst, forget the blame.


"Phoenix ..from flame come I,
My angst .now used...forgotten blamelessly."

nice expressions...

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Thanks Laury :)

[Larry Dyson]

to me IMHO this feels more of the dragons thoughts and the dragon poem more of the phoenix..as I say IMHO..LAury

Yes, you will!
What an honest and heartfelt
Write here dear friend.
You are wise, to speak out
Before it ruins your heart.
You're to precious for that.
I guess it shows your strength,
And I would not argue about the format
And such for a lack not to say anything better
I think it's just brilliant the way it is. and you
you should be proud to yourself, for this.
(As I know you are). Wonderful write.
You have my "vote" and forgiveness at least...

E.L.

[Morning Star (SJA)]

Wonderful honest poem. I like the you reveal your vulnerability.

I also love the photo. Great shot, even though it makes me shudder--as I'm afraid of heights.

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Yes that was me up Pavey Ark in the English Lake District....very beautiful and the home of many poets!

[S]

Very strong piece and brilliant too!!!!!

[Katherine Enma Pineappl..]

Rhyming is hard. Every aspiring poet deals with it hardly but in this I can see that the rhymes not only are good but also effective. Your want for forgiveness is strong here and clear. I'd like to point that out. The pure honesty of your words and having it placed it a poetic manner is amazing.

Nice write :)

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Cheers :)

[Katherine Enma Pineapple]

Cheers :) And thank you also for writing the poem XDD

[paul barton]

Impressive piece this and right up there with your 'Her Perfect Breasts'

[John Phoenix Hutchinson.]

Thats my fav :)

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Like how you portray the 'seeing the light'
and perfect ending lines too :)

[Sirius King]

very nice